Chugginton, chugga chugga chugga chugginton

Why oh why are kids shows so...................dumb? I don't mean dumb as in dumbed down so that the little people can understand them, but just straight up, eyes glazing over, watching picture, blocking out sound, pure silliness.

There are some kids shows on right now that are so unbelievably jaw droppingly strange that it makes me slightly uncomfortable watching it. Mostly these are the British ones such as this serious bizzaro 'toon:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvJy-DG2lfE

I don't get it. At first Rohan was pretty angry and bitter that it wasn't an actual 'toon, but now, I think he actually likes it. It pretty much freaks me out a bit, as do a lot of the shows that they display on Treehouse.

We introduced Rohan to his morning time babysitter - Treehouse, which was to give us a little break in the morning when we first had Avery grace us with his presence. It has now become a serious crack addiction for Rohan, Colin and I alike. It takes the battle of trying to get him to eat his breakfast, and just generally makes him easier to be around in the morning (I say this about both Rohan and his father!!).

There are a few upsides to Treehouse, no commercials (though, now that Christmas is in the near future, I have seen a few sneak in), you don't have to monitor what is on because it is all meant for kids (though as stated above, more bizzaro than educational), and Rohan loves it.

The downsides are of course my total hypocrisy over the whole idea of TV which I still consider evil but now shamelessly depend on in the morning so I can have a peaceful cup of coffee. Oh lord the shame! How catchy the songs are, how wrong do you feel when you are singing children's 'toon's in your head (and even worse, out loud). The fact that is has become an unshakable habit for all of us and of course the fear of survival when we eventually and inevitably cancel our cable once hockey season is finally over.

Oh yes, and how to break this inevitability to Colin, yikes!

Oh yeah, babies!

There are some things that I totally forgot about babies and having them in our house (and having them in the first place quite honestly) and some things that have downright surprised me.

Cleaning mustard with milk curdled poop from diapers and bum a MILLION times a day-oh yeah!

Having to do above cleaning from little tiny dark baby bum hairs-surprise!

Waking up way way too many times a night and potentially staying up for hours at a time-oh yeah!

Doing above activities with toddler sneaking into your bed and laying awake while playing (very annoyingly at this point) with your hair-surprise!

Birth itself? I knew there was a good chance of a some tearage, but not THAT much! Now I have a frankingina! Sorry Va-jay-jay!

The unbelievably enchanting smell of babies. I stick my nose in his hair, in his neck, in his mouth (yup I am gross) and inhale deeply. mmmmmm It is like nothing else. yummy. Oh yeah. However, you must be careful with the neck, there are some serious cheesey parts! (secretly still yummy!!)

The impossible amount that these little people sleep................Jealous much? Up to 20 hours a day for the first couple of weeks. (side note, same as lions, just saying).

The sometimes impossibility of putting these miniature men to sleep. This is where the mama arms come in. There is a serious amount of lifting and rocking and carrying and shushing the transferring from one possible sleep aiding vessel to another. A very very physical job this mothering is.

The sounds of babies. Their gurgling, cooing, giggling, grunting..........my boobs leak just thinking about it (a sign of affection in motherhood!). And the cries, my god, those new born infant shrieks that could induce anxiety in any mother or non mother alike. You will do anything in your power to make that red alert siren stop, again the boobs are leaking just thinking about it!

Okay, lets be honest here, my boobs are ALWAYS leaking. Remember that? I forgot. There was a time when I could wear a shirt two days in a row. Those days are past. I try on yesterdays shirt and have to hold back the gag reflex and bile coming up my throat from the quick and painful whiff of sour milk that encompasses my olfactory system. My emotions are displayed for all to see in large dark circles forming around my breasts. And this leakage is no slow drip, this is a spray that has hit my tiny elf leader in the eye at ten paces. These babies are lethal!

Well that is pretty much all my brain can muster for now, but i am sure I am in for a many 'oh yeah' and 'surprises' in the very near future!

mama milk

When Colin and I first decided (I decided and Colin finally agreed) to start trying for another baby I decided it was a good time to wean my little man from mama milk. I didn't like the idea of breastfeeding with those incredibly sensitive and often painful nipples that are very much indicative to pregnancy.

By this point Rohan was pretty close to being weaned anywho. He was down to the night feeding that put him back to sleep in the middle of the night. We finally decided that since he wasn't one for sleeping through the night anyway, we might as well graduate him to the big boy bed so when he woke up, he could come to us, instead of us going to him.

It worked out pretty well actually. We flopped a futon frame on the floor with a double ikea foamy mattress and TADA the perfect, if he rolled out of bed it would cause no damage to his pretty face, bed! Not only did this transition work to help him sleep a bit better (initially, then of course the honeymoon period ended as it always does) but it removed the need for the night feedings. So that was that, no fuss no muss, Rohan was easily and happily wean from mamas teats! It was so nice to have the titties back in my possession for a while.

There was one incident several months after this weaning that Rohan got it into his head that he needed some more of that sweet sweet liquid gold. It was a morning like any other except that Rohan was aggressively pulling my shirt down trying to get at my dried up sandbags (or as some call them, breasts). He was determine to have some, which was totally out of the blue and totally out of the question. he got over it, but it made me a bit concerned about his possible reaction to my feeding the soon to arrive new baby.

Would he want to try it out again? How would I react to this? Offer it to him when it is the icky colostrum so he wouldn't like it and never ask for it again? Nope, I wouldn't want something liek that to backfire, there was no way I was going to feed a toddler and an infant, he had his time. Flat out refuse it was my next, and most feasible, option, that is if the time came.

For the duration of my pregnancy I tried to prepare Rohan for what babies were really like, using a doll or stuffy I would feed it, burp it and make it CONSTANTLY cry. Eventually I think we established that babies weren't really that much fun and that their food of choice was mama milk, which came from mama's 'boob'.

Once Bambino number two came along, I forgot about my concern about Rohan's possible reaction to the baby's food of choice as it never really came up as far as Rohan wanting any. We have occasionally joked about Rohan eating mama milk, both of us laughing and offering grossed out looks on our faces. And then, a couple of days ago Rohan suprised me with his little imagination. He picked up one of his stuffed animal and placed horizontally across his chest and stated 'Mama Milk'. He was pretending to feed his stuffed animal!

This is a Way Way better reaction to this dilemma! And he moves on up to the cutest kid EVER!!

the double JB

JB's. Jumbo breasts. Mammoth Mammories. Huge honkers. Impressive Jugs. Mountainous Mole Hills. I am out of idea's, I know there are a million words for very large, firm, perky breasts, but my brain is failing me right now. Please feel free to add your bit.


These Milk makers come at a cost, the second JB, Jelly Belly! I have lost the girth, but not the rolly pollies. I am not concerned about it, it comes with the territory and I accept that. I am amused by it, it is an incredibly odd sensation to be able to stick your finger that far into your belly!

I remember how disappointed, sad and actually a little bit repulsed I was of my post baby body after Rohan. The JB's just didn't seem to make up for all the rest. I feel completely different or have a totally different frame of mind for this time. I knew what I would be getting into as far as the body goes, I have been there before. I also feel good, even a little proud of all the tell tale signs that my body is offering to show that I did in fact grow a human being inside of me.

Now I have to stop making excuses for dropping my incredibly large baby belly so fast when people comment. I hate that I feel guilty about being back to normal size already (though it is by no means back to 'normal'). Oh well...................whatever!

talking in tongues

Rohan has many many new words these days, and he is making a constant effort to expand his vocabulary with every word he hears. Some of his efforts are made into hilarious words that Colin is constantly trying to correct I am constantly trying to hold onto for as long as possible.

Some examples of these are:

Hockey dick (stick) I know right!!
nakek (naked)
Pockek (pocket)
Sheeooo (Shoe)
Mooofan (muffin)
raddit (rabbit)
lummy (yummy)
magot (magnet)
gog or goggy (dog or doggy)
dat (cat)
all gong (all gone)

He used to say bap for back but Colin made sure to correct that one................I loved it!

But now he is also speaking a whole new set of words from an origin unknown to myself or Colin
(even, potentially Rohan). Our son is now speaking in tongues.

We have, at times, suspected that he may be possessed by......................something, but now our suspicions seem more founded!

my little Sasquatch

Our handsome little Avery was obviously born with a nice, lush, full head of dark super soft baby hair. Our first, Mister Ro-Dog, had a similar affliction, though more of a flamey orange colour. This is something that my two lucky sons took after me. Believe it or not I was born with a full hair of very dark brown hair. Within the first couple of years I was stripped of my dark haired mystery only to obtain a perky little head of blond locks.

Apparently this hairy headedness was the cause of my chokingly painful heartburn during pregnancy, wives tail? Perhaps I am proof that it is in fact true.

Upon further inspection on my short dark and handsome fellow, we noticed yet more hair. his full head of hair actually extends down, with a light feathering, his forehead ending at the bottom of his eyebrows. He has charming little tufts of elfin hair popping out of the outside edges of his ears, both of them, though I think that righty is a bit longer. His shoulders offer a thin layer of hair that is usually reserved for the shameless speedo clad beach goers that are more hair than skin.

But last, and very much not least, our little elf leader (the meaning behind his name, really, look it up!), has what his father lovingly refers to as Tony Danzas. This affectionate naming refers to a stereotypical assumption that all people of Italian descent has hair spouting out from their butt cracks. This is exactly what is happening on Avery's crack, hair, and lots of it!

Colin was actually concerned enough to ask the midwife if the hair is there permanently, hilarious! I don't remember 'introducing' myself to a Sasquatch last January.............I did have quite a few glasses of wine though................

Ahhh so this is how it starts............

Avery offered me two very large splashes of projectile vomit this fine evening. It went from a nice pristine white to a bile coloured yellow. Smelly, and drenched with my own mama milk I had my first wave of the faint beginnings of mama guilt.

One of the very first things that went through my mind was a quick run through of what I had eaten today that could have poisoned my child to the point of projectile vomiting on his mother. This was literally my first thought. How have I made my child sick. Crazy. It was so non chalant and casual in my head. I didn't start off berating myself as a careless or thoughtless mother, I just let the assumption slide down my thoughts into a pool of 'it was my fault'.

Is this normal, sane, behaviour? Is this a pure mother emotion or is this just a me mama issue? Is this where the spiral of on going 'I blame myself as this mothers child for his behaviour/illness/etc'. I see where it leads, I have a 2 and a half year old after all. Rohan becomes a whiney little so and so, refuses to nap or eat and dumps his milk on the floor while simultaneously urinating in his pants and my first reflex isn't 'man this kid is a brat' it is ' the poor baby isn't getting enough attention from his mama, poor poor Rohan, bad bad mama'. How is that possible?

So I see where it leads, but I didn't realize that it stemmed from the milking months. But it makes sense right? Your baby is colic because of what you consume such as milk or soy or wheat. Your poor innocent infant is reeling in pain because you just had to have that piece of pizza, selfish cow (you not the one that made your cheese!).

Unfair man, so unfair!!

Alone, with two kids?

I am actually terrified to be alone with Rohan and Avery. The thought of Colin leaving the house for any extended period of time and leaving me to fend for myself, gasp, my heart slides up and lands like a lump in my throat. I am not totally sure how to handle a completely dependent child and a partially depending but striving to be independent child.

I can't leave them alone together for fear that Rohan may very well smother the little bugger with love. How do I go to the bathroom? Who do I bring? How do I keep up with the potty training when I have one boy that has to pee and the other one attached to my boob? How will I ever be able to leave the house with these two when one of them has a touch of Houdini? Is it really time to invest in a leash for the wild little man that I could chase after up until my very day of labour?

I feel a bit like a deer caught in the headlights. I am calm when it comes to Avery (my angel baby) and calm (yet slightly more impatient than I would like to be) with Rohan (my beautiful little first born), but the two of them together gives me minor heart palpitations. Rohan is generally amazing with Avery, mostly nonchalant. Ignoring him on most occasions, offering kisses and pets of affection on the others. But being pulled two ways, Rohan wanting up all the time, Avery pooping like a champion all the time. How canIi keep my attention on them both?

How am I going to make sure that Rohan isn't feeling too neglected while still being able to offer Avery his due attention? How the fuck do people have more than two????? Impressive!

The perfect baby

I am a bit nervous about this post because I don't want to jinx it.

Back in my new mom day's I often heard about this specific class of babies. Listening to these moms made me think they were either lying, or just being smug. 'yeah, tell me more about you precious bundle of joy that has practically slept through the night since birth, thhhhhhhhhhhhh'. These super babies that never fuss, doing nothing other than sleep, eat and poop. Not possible. Is it?

Well, call me smug, but I am pretty sure that this baby dropped down from angel baby land, to float peacefully and sleepily onto my breast with a contented sigh. I don't really offer this information to brag, trust me. At first we were concerned with this sleeping thing, so much so, that Colin made me take his temperature to make sure he didn't have a fever, he is that sleepy. I have actually woken this child up to relieve the massive boulders, that at one point resembled breasts. Woke him up...............seriously.

Avery has given me hope in a world that I have only known to be sleepless. In a world of nap battles and bed time battles, a child exists that falls asleep when gently place in a supine position temporarily while I get something in the kitchen. Alone. By himself. Without rocking, nursing, singing or some form of white noise. Whether this lasts is irrelevant, these couple of weeks have been baby bliss.

I offer this small measly dose of hope to new and seasoned mothers alike, some babies do sleep. Do not give up hope! I will keep you updated once this honeymoon period ends!