Make your Pappy Happy

So in addition to the 30 day green tea challenge, which I must brag, I have been maintaining even though the 30 days has been up for a while, the big man and I decided on a couples challenge as well.  Though originally my idea, it was finally agreed on by him and off we went a running.  The challenge?  Do something, anything, each day for 30 days, to show the opposite partner that they were thought of that day.  A daunting task to say the least.

It started off pretty good as I believe we had built up some ideas over the time it took to finally commit.  And then, it started to take on many faces.  At first I feel like it became a bit of a contest to see who could top the other in considerate actions.  It went rapidly from competition to a chore to be forced into doing, desperate last minute acts or claiming actions as their 'thing' even if they didn't come up with it, such as 'I let you go out for a couple of hours with a friend sans enfant'.  Scam I tell you. Cop out I say.  Though in all honesty, I was not fairing too much better.

Some days we rocked it, some days we failed miserably.  There were even a few days when nothing was done at all.......not naming names or anything............

Eventually, we started off our morning conversations like so... 'if you do the night routine while I go for a run, that can be your thing'.  The negative aspect of this?  The other person does not get a chance to come up with their own act of thoughfulness.  The positive?  They get to find out what is most cherished by the other.  If they could choose their 'thing' from the other person every day, this is what it would look like.

This challenge was, well, challenging.  It had its rewards for sure, but eventually it teetered off and lost its meaning.  Did it bring us closer together?  Nope, not really.  Once the 30 days were up, the days of thinking up nice things to do for each other came to an abrupt halt.  Oh well, on to the next 30 day challenge............hmmm any ideas out there?

Date night, a shared 'Thing'

Green Tea Scam

So, as you know, I have been taking a partial hiatus from my morning coffee over the last couple of weeks.  I have been very vigilant about my green tea in the morning time, and if I have been really good (woken up way to early in the morning) I may indulge in a coffee later in the day.  Not everyday, but some days are just screaming out coffee to me....screaming being the operative word.

Well, aside from the total lack of excitement and eagerness about waking up and smelling the fresh hot mug of steaming............tea, I have noticed that, in the end, the mornings are still looking pretty similar to my caffeinated mornings.  Getting dressed battles, eating breakfast, brushing teeth, leaving the house, getting into the car, walking the dogs, sibling rivalry...battles, battles, battles.................still there.  My reaction, though fairly similar, may be a bit less intense, even a tad more understanding?

Okay okay, I admit, there is more talking it out and less scream fest, patience draining, heart pounding, control loosing, pure banging your head against wall madness.  Green tea is helping.  I really hate to admit it, I love coffee in the morning, it is really the only thing that make get out of bed.  Well that and two extremely persistant boys

So to test an additional theory, I forced Colin to get upwith the boys the other morning and spent that quality time reading in bed.  With the door closed.  Luxuriating to the sounds of, Quiet. Nice. Playtime.  What the fuck?

Turns out, no green tea on earth is going to make these mama's boys any less needy of my attention. Regardless of the amount of time they actually get to spend with me (24/7).  This is not something that is an issue for the big man.  He does not suffer from four little hands pulling at clothing, vying for attention, pushing and pulling at the other one to get more room on the lap.  They play so DIFFERENT when he is the parental sole figure.

This can only mean one thing,

He must now be the morning person from here on in.  Now to tell him this.......

No Coffee for you for a WEEK

The Ro-Dog and myself have been having a few mornings/afternoons/evenings filled with ........ahem.........differences in opinion.

Some mornings I can feel my heart pumping hard in my chest.  My breath catches.  Out of control, out of patience, out of ideas.

When we reach the point where I am yelling and he is laughing maniacally.  When threats, coercion and outright expropriation of all things fun continues to fail.  When I have locked myself up in the bathroom desperately wondering how I will manage the teenage years, a time when he will be a foot taller and hormones are shooting out of his pores, he retaliates.

Screaming as loud as his little four year old lungs can handle, Ro-Dog offers a little browbeating himself.  Taking the only thing that he can think of that I expressly love on a regular basis, he lets me know in no uncertain terms, that I will not be allowed to consume coffee for a whole week.

Normally this results in me stifling my laughter and then finally calming the eff down and figuring out where to go from here, but it always resonates something in me.  Is my madness somehow associated with the high dosage of delicious, milky, sweet nectar of the gods.  Do I feel out of control, because really I am after a LARGE cuppa?

I have recently watched a very short, but mighty inspiring TED talk on the idea of a 30 day challenge. The premise of this is to take on a challenge and stick with it for 30 days, may it be something to forgo, or something to try out for the first time.   Now I have been racking my brain to find a good 30 day challenge for the big man and I to do together in a lame attempt to create some closeness, intimacy, even a little bonding, something we are in desperate need of these days.  But in the end, I wanted to just see if I could test myself first, baby steps. 

So, for thirty days, starting yesterday, I will drink a tall mug of green tea as my first beverage of the day.  Not a total elimination of coffee altogether, just removing it as the first thing I drink in the morning.  So far, I feel pretty good, in fact I haven't had any coffee over the last couple of days.  By no means have I stopped getting angry, but it is less seething and deep breathing, and more........dislike of certain actions.

This could be the beginning of some serious life altering 30 day challenges, may the lack of coffee offer me the inspiration and motivation that had started to slowly trickle through my expanded fingers a scant 5 years ago.................

My two favourite ages

Both boys have now reached what I will officially dub, my two favourite ages.  Ro-Dog, at 4, is much more independent than he ever has been, we are able to have grown up conversations about grown up topics, to a certain extent.  He is so sweet and loving, curious about everything around us.  The normal sounds of why that echoed in my head day in and day out have developed into more specified questions, with a real desire to find the answers.

One unexpected aspect of raising a four year old boy is this rumoured increase, or spike in their testosterone levels.  What was once my sweet gentle angel with unlimited amounts of patience and kisses, has offered us a flip in personality.  One evening spent with family proved that there was a very evident difference in his behaviour.  There was a time when his cousin was a much more energetic and aggressive player, opting for more hands on activities than sit down quiet times, this recent get together proved a total turn around.  The Ro-Dog seemed as if he was on a rampage of aggression, whereas his cousin was the innocent bystandard.  It was strange and super hard to handle.

After trying to find a bit more information on the supposed peak in testosterone levels in 4 year old boys, I also came across a little excerpt about their difficulty hearing at that age.  I am pretty sure that information has changed my life.  When I comment, or sing a sad quiet song about Ro-Dogs broken ears, there is actually truth in it.  Looks like there is going to have to be some more serious parenting book reading in my future, oh and so returns my obsessive research on how the hell you parent!

So four is really great, though very trying at times, and so it goes.

One and a half is also seriously rocking my world these days too.  The words that A-Rcok is now saying is so unbelievably adorable that it melts my little heart every time I hear his little 'Na noo" (the dog we walk in the mornings Manou), oween (Rohan), lory (story) and the list goes on.  Bah, kills me with cuteness. 

Both of these ages have offered me a quiet exhalation.  I feel such a loss of tension as they have reached their respective ages.  They are able to play together, sort of, they are able to be left to their own devices for longer periods of time without fear of stair falls or smothering brotherly 'love'.  You do not realize how shallow your breath is until you feel it go back to normal depth.

 Babies are a bit freaky, they are breakable (not really, in fact I read somewhere that their bones do not solidify until they are toddler (ish) age) they are 100% dependent on you for their survival, a bit daunting if you ask me.  There is a much more relaxed attitude to parenting an infant when you have done it before, but every singe time Ro-Dog reaches a new stage in his life, it is still very very new to me as well.  But we are at a good one now.

I love being a mom of 2 boys, they are pretty great/cuddly/loving. 

Ro Quo's #2

While embarking on a few minutes of shutting my eyes in an attempt at non-parenting, I received a few doozies from the RoDog!

After tickling me under the arm pits with the intent of waking me up I hear Ro exclaim your arm pits are like cactus's ( I will inform him of the pluralization of cactus later, sometime after I shave the cacti).

Still trying his damnedest to get me to stop 'resting my eyes'  he kicks me in the stomach (gently I swear). With an amusement stemmed from years of arm flexing and spinach eating he informed me you don't have stomach muscles at all.  I kept him updated about the toil a couple of babies can take on a mothers body.

After attempting in vain to get him to nap with me I am told that he only naps with daddy.  Now getting angry at my trying to convince him to lay with me he yells you will not have a party in your dreams tonight!  Oh the threats.............

Ro Quo #1

I would like to introduce to you the part of my blog that offers amazingly hilarious/outlandish/outrageous Quotes and conversation from my extremely witty 4 year old.  The Rohan Quotes, or as I will now be calling it The 'Ro Quo'.

Rohan:  Hey mama, have you ever heard of a Flappasaurus?  It has toes on its nose.  Some people think that the Flappasaurus has flaps on his nose, but it actually has toes.  The Flappasausrus has to smell feet all day!

When I later told Colin of this story he was very adamant that this dinosaur really existed and did in fact have toes on its nose...........I am going to need to look that shit up!

So there really is a flappasaurus...........kind of, in cyber world.  It is also a human condition of uncontrollable arm flapping.  Hmmmm I may be breeding a genius......

Major Mammory Meltdown

There we were, my boys and I, laying in my bed in a big cuddle, as so happens almost every delightful morning.  I had just finished nursing Avery, and the wee ones and I were settling down to read some stories before venturing downstairs for breakfast and yet more stories.

I started to pay a bit of attention to Rohan, reading him one of his all time favourite books (the Lorax, my little environmentalist), when Avery, in usually form, decides that this extra attention to his brother is absolutely unacceptable.  After a bought of stream rolling us he decided that the only other option to take my full attention would be to nurse yet again.

Now, don't get me wrong here, I still very much enjoy our nursing/cuddle time.  Even though he pinches and punches me.  Even though I have to press my arm firmly against the unnursed teat to prevent him from sliding his hand up/down my shirt and kneading the other breast or, gag, trying to tweak the nipple.  Uggh.  But I refuse to nurse him on the same kind of regular basis that he required as an infant.  Besides the fact that he really does not need it to keep him alive and that the more he nurses, the more I produce, I just want my boobies to myself for a while!

So anyway, back to the story.  Avery started aggressively signing milk in my face and contorting himself into the most optimal nursing position.  I told him in no uncertain terms that we were all done and that there was none left. Well I don't know if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed that fateful morning, but he started getting pretty mad at me.  Well actually, not so much me as my unavailable mammories.  He shoved his face right up close to my sacks of liquid gold and yelled at them as if he were telling them the whats what of his nursing desire.

Hilarious.  His face right up to them screaming at the top of his lungs.  I think he even gave them a couple of closed fist punches he was so mad.  Oh man, if I was a tougher mom than I am, and not totally amused and smitten by his temper, I would probably be attempting the weaning process about now. 


Nope.  Not me.  Onward in the world of jug reduction!

Pictures!!

Who would have thought?  a toothbrush!

Avery spent more time with the bike than his bro!

The middle of his 4 hour Bakyardigan a thon!

Finally testing the big boy bike!

A few pictures of the previously mentioned day of birth celebrations!  Dang these are some cute kids of mine!

How to Rock your 4th Birthday

If you have ever thought to yourself  'how would I rock my birthday if I was a wee lad of 4?'  well, I have some tips straight from the source for ya.

First you need to wake up way too early in the morning to the sounds of your little brother making screamy whiny sounds for no good reason.  You will then need to stay put in your bed until your mom finally arrives with a stack of sneaky multigrain (healthy) pancakes with mounds of maple syrup, and a bottomless glass of apple juice, all placed lovingly on a special tray, sat with a wrapped present from grandma.

Next you eat more pancakes then you ever have before, drink more apple juice then your body can possibly handle and delightedly place super cool stickers on your super cool buzz buzz toothbrush, personalizing grandma's gift yo!

The next logical step would be an out right refusal to leave the bed.  Then, grudgingly leave the bed, but absolutely refuse to get out of your jammies.  A declared Pajama Rama Day!

Next, take a leisurely stroll, seated comfortably in a stroller like a king, demanding stuff from your servant (mother).

After purchasing some dinner goods from the store, go home and sit in from of the computer and watch Backyardigans .........for the rest of the day, while eating popcorn on the couch, in your pajamas, and drinking (spilling) a tall glass of milk.  Only pausing your show in order to pee, poop and check out your awesome, rad, big boy two wheeler bike that your super awesome, rad parents got for you for your birthday.  Ride it for a second in the porch, go directly back to the computer and back to the beloved Backyardigans.  Backyardigan-athon commences.

After an astonishing 4 straight hours glued to the computer, finally drag yourself outside in order to enjoy the last remaining rays of sun before dinner.

Top this rock awesome day off with a meal consisting of eggs benedict and steamed broccoli with hollandaise.  The only possible way to end this day would be more stories then you are ever allowed to have, milk and water before bed, and drifting off to dream land cuddled up with daddy........best birthday EVER!

Winter in April

Here we are on a normal late April day, enjoying the sunshine in our t-shirts..

Not two days later, snow suits were taken out of storage......

I had wrongfully assumed that Avery's first chance to walk through snow for the first time would be delayed until next winter.  You mess with Mother Nature, She messes back!

Whew, mission complete

So the first night of baby torture, or 'sleep training', or 'remembering', was pretty awful.  A lot of screaming and crying and not knowing what the eff was going on and where in the world was mom.  It was painful.  It lasted and hour.  I thought it might never end.

Second night, same sound coming from le bebe, screams of uncertainty, of change, of wanting a warm body to comfortably  lay up against in order to drift happily and content off to sleep.  This night the tears stopped after half and hour.

The third night, I braced myself for some more anger, tears, screaming, chest clenching, breath restricting, shoulders tensing.................nothing.  When I eventually checked on him, he still had the blanket on him.  He didn't even stand up to for quick shout of rage before he drifted into dream land.  The three day lucky is actually true (well for me anyway).

I don't regret the delay in sleep training.  I really really enjoyed laying down with the wee one, watching as his little eyelids grew heavier and heavier, listening to his soft breath slowly getting louder and louder with the sound of baby snoring.  For the most part, I loved sleeping with my baby.  But sleeping was something I just wasn't getting a whole lot of during that time.  He sleeps through the night now.  Just like that.  Bam.  Three days.  Now I need to stop waking up to every little mumble he makes in his sleep.  He needs to move out of my room.

Now to find the time to completely rearrange the entire upstairs sleeping situation.............maybe next month!

Day two is WAY better

So I have finally caved.  After nearly 4 years of broken sleep at night, I have decided to take a stand for my sanity.  Maybe even give myself a chance to be a happier, well rested..........cheerful even, mother.  I can feel this overwhelming crankiness take me over on most days, I guess I can now see why.  Sleep is important.  Not only for myself, but for the wee ones.

This is good for him, it teaches him the essential life skill of putting himself to sleep, a skill he knew before Jack Frost started nipping at our noses, one that slowly drifted away with the assistance of his over protective, smothering mother.  A fever here, a cold room there and bam, the wee one, who was the best sleeper ever, is in my bed and only falling asleep while in my arms or laying down beside me in my bed

  This is good right?

As I lay with Rohan, listening to the tortured screams of my little baby, going against all of my maternal instincts to nurture and comfort when upset, I had to repeat the mantra 'this is for you, this is for me, we need to sleep child before we LOSE it'.  This is so when I one day decide to go out at night I will enjoy myself and not feel horrible for making someone else deal with having to put him down to sleep. For those nights that the man is away and I am left to my own devices, trying to get both boys to bed without having to lay down with both of them in my bed while reading a book with a flash light.

This is good.  This is good.

This is awful.  I hate this.  I never thought I would be the mom to do the 'crying it out' method.  I know that he is fine, he is full, he is clean, he is VERY tired.  But he screams.  Loudly.  Very very loudly.  I just want to lay down with him and give up the battle.  But I won't.  This is day two.  No backtracking.  15 minutes.  Will this traumatize him for bed time from here on in?  Am I screwing myself?  Nope, don't talk your way out of it, it is okay, he still loves you.

It took an hour last night.  I can't believe I made it.  He would trick me with these little pauses and I would breath out a sigh of relief, ahhhhh thank god, he is finally sleeping.  Then the tortured screams would come out again.  Damn.    Please go to sleep, please go to sleep.

Rohan drifted contently off to sleep without a worry in the world!  A good sign for putting them into the same room together I guess.  Yes, my baby, at one and a half is still in my room.  I wish I could say that I am done with it, but I kind of still love it.  I love having him in my room, I love having him in my bed.  That is probably what makes it the hardest, giving up having my baby to snuggle with at night.

Whew, this really really sucks.

I am sorry Avery, I love you, please go to sleep...........

Lavender the Cure

So I have not been getting much sleep lately.  Both the boys have been taking over my bed and waking me up periodically through the night requesting water, boob or a change of clothes due to wetting the bed.  This has made me and them pretty cranky kittens in the morning.  The big guy, in a separate room, gets a full night sleep every night.  Lucky bastard.

So, after several torturous weeks of broken sleep I finally came up with a wild and fantastic way to get the wee ones into and staying in, blissful dream land.  Lavender.  Lavender oil in fact.  So I went from room to room dropping lavender oil on all of their pillows, saying a silent prayer to the sleep gods as I went.

Was it a successful endeavor?  Nope.  But I sure felt like a fairy princess prancing around the bedrooms with my vile of lavender oil strategically tilted hovering over each boys pillow!  The upstairs smells lovely.  The boys are still waking up.  If it wasn't such a horrible idea to mix babies and rocks, I would be placing a small piece of amethyst in each of their pillows, with another prayer to the sleep gods of course!

For now, however, it will be an ongoing morning ritual of LARGE coffees and blood shot eyes!

ABC"S

Here is my big boy singing the ABCs.   *Proud Mom Alert*

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Kids Lie.

 I was under this misconstrued impression that these innocent little beings were beyond the ability to make up stories.  So filled with innocence and a lack of understanding of negative consequences, that they would always just tell the truth.  They had to, their minds couldn't possibly be so clever as to decide when to tell a fib to suit there little needs or to tell the truth.

I was horribly horribly wrong.

They really truly tell fibs.  These can be the fibs that prevent them from getting into to trouble such as 'why is your brother on the floor crying Rohan, did you push him?'  'No mama, he fell'.  I know he pushed him, Avery knows he pushed him (though he has such an adoration for his big brother he would never tell even if he could), and yet, he offered me a bold faced lie.

There are also the fibs to get what he wants, 'Mama, daddy said I could watch mindless adult sitcoms while eating poptarts and drinking coca-cola'.  I would like to think that daddy would not promise such a thing, though I have seen a box of pop tarts in the recycling box.........

Truly, and honestly, I really did not think that these little buggers could lie, and they really really can.  Well, well well, you really do learn something new every day in the wonderful world of parenthood!  Huh

Separation Guilt

I know I know that this it is more common than not to have a two working parent family where the children spend all day, five days a week, in daycare.  I am not sure if there is any guilt involved in this scenario, but as a (semi) experienced mother, my understanding is that being enveloped by constant guilt is just par for the course, so I can only assume that there is, of course guilt here as well.

Our situation, at the moment, is a bit different.  Our kids have so far avoided days spent in daycare.  And yet, YET, I have constant separation guilt.  I had plans of going to a spa with the man, as well as to a gig at the local bar, and a playgroup with only one of the boys....all in the  span of just over one week.  But now, I got called into work last minute, so will have a whole extra day away today.  That adds up to three and a half ish days away in 2 weeks.

Instead of jumping for joy at having some time away, 'enjoy it while you have it' they shout, I am feeling a bit uncertain. Now I am actually reconsidering one of my days/nights out to make up for my work day.  That is right, I include my work day as a day away, a day of escape, a day of health food bliss..........I love this job, by the by!!  So of course it counts right?!

Is this ridiculous case of separation guilt a direct result of the time I am constantly around the kiddies?  If I had had a career to go back to, or a grandparent/ready made babysitter would I feel the same dripping oozing 'my kids will never survive without me' sensation?  I know I am not alone in this....a stay at home mom's dilemma perhaps?

HE WALKS

He finally walks!!  Though really he still has an unnatural desire to crawl....strange baby!

I love you as big as......

Rohan and I play this super amazing game these days.  It usually starts off with Rohan gazing at me with his big. beautiful, brown, and adoring eyes and states with sincerity in his voice 'Mama, I love you'.  I, with equal amounts of adoration,  glance my eyes back to him claiming that I too, love him.  And this is when the game starts to elevate, bouncing back and forth with amazing levels of competitiveness.  Rohan, looking ever so mischievous and proud will counter my love with 'I love you as big as planet earth', I, with, 'I love you as big as planet earth and the moon'.


Then it starts going hard core into the earth, plus the moon, plus the whole universe times 3, then 10, then times 1000.  Rohan's eyes gleaming, his head bobbing up and down in an affirmative with my every exclamation of surprise at the shear size of love he has come  up with.  This game may very well be one of my favourites for some pretty obvious reasons. I mean what mother in her right mind would not cherish a game that offers a competition of how much their son loves them compared to how much they love their son (or daughter, in other parents cases)?

There is some background on the greatest game on earth (plus Saturn, the milky way, and the black hole all mixed together times 1000).  This games began innocently enough yesterday, as Rohan and I sat with our steamy cups of hot chocolate, after a fun morning sledding outdoors.  It started as it usually starts, he, with his exclamation of love towards his dearest mother, me with my counter of love.  And then out of the blue he states 'Mama, I don't love you as big as a hot chocolate'.

Well, I guess I now know the limit of love he has for me!!

The True Meaning of Love

I discovered the true meaning of love yesterday, it was a beautiful thing,

Here's a little background.  Avery, the wee one, has had an ongoing cough, for what feels like the entirety of our winter season.  Rohan, the big brother, has had a pretty rough weekend of fevers, coughing, overall lethargy and both with ever flowing faucet style snot coming out of their noses.  The time was nigh to finally see a doctor, after what feels like MONTHS of catering to my poor wee sick boys.  A tough job in itself.  The drive out there was dicey to say the least, wet snow falling, roads slushy and slippery. children sleepy, grumpy and sick.

I got the required medication for the big brother and stocked up on the supplies the doctor recommended I get for the wee one, and homeward through the slushy mess of road I went.

So through this, you may be thinking that the sometimes trying task of nursing two children back to health, having been squished between the two of them in bed at night for over a week straight, blatantly suffering sleepless nights of squishiness and concern might be the moment of truth in love.  It is not however.  That is just par for the course.  That is my job as mommy dearest.  Although in the end it really is an expression of true love, there are very few mothers or fathers for that matter, out there that would even think twice about it, it being a natural parental instinct.

The moment I speak of, the moment of a pure expression of love, devotion and 'would do anything for my child' ness had to do with the paraphernalia that I had purchased for the wee one, the stuff that came 'highly recommended' by herr Docteur.  It was a simple process, simple in theory anyway.  The purpose of this stuff was to drain the ever flowing burden of snot from our wee baby's sinuses.

It goes a little bit like this.  Lay small and very co-operative child into a supine position, head facing to the right. Uncap travel sized bottle of saline solution, dropping 2 drops into childs nostril hole (there was no specification as to which one).  Move the ever so co-operative childs head to the left, drop 2 drops into (I am assuming) the other nostril hole.  I am not sure if I was supposed to drain them first, but what with our wee one laying oh so still and content with liquid salt mixture flowing down his nose tube, I thought I would just plow on to the next step.

Next, place 'safety' filter into the the 'nasal aspirator'.  Lock nasal aspirator onto the aspiration tube (I recommend having this all done before you lay your child down as there is a good chance they will try for the great escape while you are fumbling with all these rubber bits and bobs).

Okay, everything is together, child is being so lethargic and still.  Place the rubber tip of nasal aspirator into the entrance of infant childs nose opening, place the end of the tube, which is attached to nasal aspirator, into your mouth.  (and here is where the true love moment starts to really come into effect) suck snot out of childs nose, with your mouth, all the while praying that the 'safety' filter does not fail and you get a throat full of boogy oogeys.  Literally, you are siphoning the green monsters from your extremely greatful bebes cavities.

That, my friends, is true true love!

Kicking my ass with cuteness part one

Rohan has been totally rocking my world with his many levels of cuteness these days.  One of the activities that he loves to do at home is jump on my bed.  To see the concentration mingled with a dash of joy and a pinch of mischief while trying to attain the ultimate height in his jumping is absolutely priceless.

I just want to insert here for you worry wort moms reading this here blog, my bed is a king sized mattress on the floor, safer than a trampoline in the back yard, that is for sure!

He has reached a very special age (or his little brother has) where he really really wants to play with his baby brother.  While jumping on the bed he will demand that I help Avery in joining in the leaping fun.  When I walk around with the wee one on my hip, Rohan has replaced his need to be held as well with requests for me to put him down because he wants to play with his 'brover'.  And he does.  He actually plays with the little guy.  He chases him around the house! Rohan, with one of his 'walking machines' Avery holding tight to the other one. Both boys screaming in hysterical laughter as they race around the house, crashing at every turn.

He has also taken to telling us how much he loves us, all the time.  Especially when he gets some sort of treat, then he loves EVERYONE!  'I love you and daddy and Avery very much. I love everbody, yup, I really do'.  He is an amazingly affectionate little guy, offering hugs and kisses constantly.

Hockey night has become a favourite in our house, Colin gets to watch hockey, Rohan gets to stay up late and I get to cuddle with Rohan until he (or we) fall asleep on the couch....

Rohans absolute favourite PJ's, with feet!

When we aren't napping on the couch, Rohan enjoys pulling his little brother in the sled...

Or laying around reading his most favourite books....

Anyone want to guess which book this is? 

Reading with his eyes closed (or sleeping!)

We sit, we talk about the world and everything else.  My heart swoons for this smart little man, love oozing from every one of my ever enlarging pores!  This is some of many ways that Rohan is rocking my world in cuteness.............

New Years Resolutions

I have not even attempted to come up with anything resembling a New Years resolution for many many a New year.  It has always seemed like making a false promise to yourself, only to be disappointed and discouraged when December 31st comes and you have nothing to show for yourself.  Maybe I tend to aim low. Don't make big resolutions you know you will not achieve.

This year feels a bit different however........actually, no, this year feel dramatically same same as last year.  If anybody knows me, they know that this is a recipe for disaster.  Same same can very easily be construed into boring and unlivable in my eyes, which in turn can spell unnecessary acts of over drama in order to to get some change and excitement in my life.  Not good when you have the level of commitments and amount of dependents that I have now acquired over the years.  Any drama I create can have a potential domino effect on my loved ones, causing hurt and pain when all I wanted was a little bit of newness.

I, Elizabeth Peters, am a change-oholic.  I think it has taken until the last couple of years to really acknowledge this part of myself.  Only the last year to really come to terms and accept this part of my personality flaw (perk?).  When you are living a fairly routine life style, you can start to feel boxed in and stagnant very very quickly.  Which I do.  I itch and wiggle.  I sweat and pace.  I need to go out.  I need to see something new.  I need to go somewhere new.  I need to meet someone new.  GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE BEFORE I GO MAD!!  Good.  I like facing these tid bits of personal reality, makes me feel justified!

So, this year I will make some absolutely attainable and realistic resolutions.  As a side note, I am winging this, I have not actually thought about any resolutions until this very second in time, bare (hehe) with me .

1.  Use TV time wisely.  I am not so crazy as to think there is going to be any drastic reduction in the watching of TV during the winter months, when we actually have it.  Some days are freezing, and if I don't want to face the outdoors, I certainly am not going to make my kids do it (unless I can convince the hubby to take them out..)  So yes, there probably will be more TV watching then I feel comfortable with, but I will try not to waste that precious quiet time if I can at all avoid it.  I will try to come up with as many alternatives for as long as I can until there just ain't nothing else to do (or I really need to make dinner).

2.  When playing quietly on their own DO NOT DISTURB THE KIDS.  Don't talk to them, don't attempting any form of interaction at all.  Do not even give them any sort of lingering look, because the spell will be broken and they will need you to entertain them again.  Tread very very lightly for those blessed and beautiful moments.  Enjoy, bask, shut the eff up!

3.  Do some yoga for the love of god.  It has been at least a year since my feet have formed to the familiar grip position on my well worn, well loved yoga mat.  My desire to get back into yoga is much much different from times past.  Although my body is in need of a serious uplift (sob) my spirit requires it a whole heck of a lot more.  I need that time to focus on myself (and I really don't mean for that to sound like the classic 'I never get time to myself' mama talk, seriously).  On my body, on my thoughts, on my spirit, on me, on myself.  Some time to focus and not push it away or bury it deep until later (later always means in bed, and I don't need any more to disturb my precious sleep).  I need to reestablish some sort of inner peace before I get so wound up that I snap (more often)!

4.  Write, Write Write and please just Write.  I used to always have some sort of journal on the go, during my teenage years (those ones are hilarious to re read) during my travels, during the first years of Rohans life,  Then they stopped.  This blog was my attempt to continue it on.  But I cannot be completely open and honest here. I mean to say that although I am not lying here, I am certainly not going to be unearthing and exposing all my dirty little thoughts and secrets for the whole world to read.  I need to start writing just for myself, my honest self again.  I was pretty good at in my day, really!  Which brings me to the next one...

5.  Be honest with myself.  I am not.  I am almost never honest with myself.  I think that yoga and in turn a bit of meditation with help to peel away some of those layers of uncertainty so I can unveil what my truth really is.  I have lost that along with many of my convictions. strength and trust in myself.  At best I feel confused and uncertain, at worst I feel like I am drifting above myself, watching as I just go through the motions without any emotional attachment to what is happening.  Soul search, find truth, stick to it, or not, flexibility is also a nice asset!

6.  Get in at least one totally positive thought in a day, at least.  I can feel myself drowning in my own negativity sometimes and it is just not healthy.  In fact so much so that I think it may be one significant factor in my on going poor health and lethargic, unproductive feelings.

7.  Give myself and my partner an effing break already.  I feel myself slipping into the fantasy of the life I wish I could have, the relationship I thought I would be enjoying, the person I thought I would be with for life. I cannot turn the tables, I cannot go back and change the past, and I wouldn't even if I could.  Too risky.  So instead of dwelling on how I wish it could have been, I need to start putting some more effort and attention on what it is, and just give the poor man a break already!  He may not be the free thinking, patchouli smelling, light hearted, easy going, vegetarian guy that I always thought I would one day settle down with, but he is hard working, animal loving, and a very very good and fun father. And he puts up with me, so that has to say something right?

8.  Blur the lines of gender related household tasks, quick, before the kids start to notice. I need to stop waiting for the man to come to get the furnace started, or cut the wood or fix this or fix that.  Just do it.  Stop being the only one in the kitchen, get that guy in there making stuff other then just the barbecue.  Start using that bloody barbecue myself.  I have unintentially created a definite difference between a girl job and a boy job, and it has got to stop.  I have to start (wo)manning it up and do some of these jobs for myself, and for my boys!

9.  Dip my toes into a bit of follow through, if not full out *gasp* project completion .  I need to finish some stuff.  I am professional starter, and then drop off from there.  Follow through is the real name of the game this year.  If I start something I am going to use all my motivation reserves to get that dang project completed.  Really.....

Which leads me to my first finished project of last year.....

THE SWEATER!!  Ahhh finally complete!

Okay, so I have quite a few other resolutions floating around, but I need to keep this as simple and small and realistic as possible.  Put a cap on it, leave it as it is before it becomes another unfinished project!

Happy New Year Every One!!