Where am I in all of this?

I recently read a post in my super favourite blog Offbeatmama discussing the instant identity crises or decisive change women often take on when wed or mama fied. It was a pretty interesting article and it weighs on the pros and cons and also the positive and negative feelings people may get when swept away into a new persona.

After this article were quite a few comments about Facebook and new mothers desire to post pictures of their children with themselves, or in leu of themselves for their profile picture.

I have contemplated this dilemma for a little while as I am a culprit of this very act, making it difficult for people to be able to identify me (which I am actually not really that concerned about in the end, my kids are way cuter than I am anyway!!). Why do I feel constantly compelled to post pictures of my children instead of myself? Have I lost my identity? Am I just so and so's mom now instead of the Lil' Liz that I have always been?

It is true that I do feel as if I am a different person, I act differently, I socialize differently. I have changed.............a lot. My fun times are so so much less fun than they used to be, so much less fun. I am (obviously) spending more time going to bed at a reasonable (or unreasonable when you think about it......I mean 8:30pm?? lame-o!!) hour than staying up and 'partying' with friends (which is an issue in itself considering my lack of many available friends here) which cannot truly happen at this nursing stage of my life anyway. In fact boring has very much become my new middle name.

That is fine, most of the time, though there are times that I dream of my carefree adventures, or even just the simple times, like spending an evening with friends, wine and giggles, though my lack of that, of course, relates back to my lacking in the friend department here (well, my lack of non pregnant non nursing friends!). I still have days when I fell as if I am not ready to grow up and be a mum, that there are still a few wild oats that I have not sewn (or countries that I have not seen, or people that I have not yet met).

Let's get this clear, this isn't an admittance to wishing I never had children, I mean have you seen these guys? I would NEVER take them back, EVER. They are two of the most amazing things that have ever happened to me and I love them more than I could ever imagine loving any one or thing. In fact, I never actually understood this kind of love and the strength of it until I met these boys. I do, however, on occasion (more, recently, for some reason) miss the good ole days of drama (hair pulling, dirty diaper, sour milk smelling) free days. I miss traveling. Actually, most of all, I miss being just me. Not mom me or girlfriend me, just me me with no additional parts.

Anywho, I digress. What this was actually about was my compulsion to use pictures of my boys instead of myself on my profile. After some deep thought and soul searching I came to realize that there are no pictures of just me by myself anymore. I am the one usually holding the camera, and when I am not holding the camera, it is almost always focused on the cutie in my arms and not my sorry self. Seriously. I searched. There are really no recent pictures of just me on this computer.

Now how do you like that as far as a change into a new identity? I do not exist in the picture world without the crutch of one of my children! HA