Monday, August 29, 2011


I have finally, after much humming and hawing, decided to sign Ro-Dog up for preschool.  This is a Cooperative preschool, so in signing him up for it, I have also signed myself up for some extra work, but also an opportunity to get more involved in the community.

But. most importantly, Ro Ro gets and chance to meet new kids and learn how to be around other adults aside from myself and his pops.  It is amazing that he has reached the tender age of 3 and has yet to spend any quantity time without either of his parents around.

Lucky guy!

This is not a common occurrence in this day and age, the days of double incomes.  This of course is not due to a lack of double income in our house hold so much as my lack of skills to acquire a real 9-5 job like other more grown up adults. Oh nights and weekends, how I will miss your freedom once again!  That is when I finally find myself an effing job.

Anywho, about the preschool.  It is two days a week for 2 and a half hour stints,  This doesn't feel like much (enough)  but it may be the perfect amount for the first attempt at severing the umbilical cord, an actual act of real separation from me.  The fact that it is so small of a time may help me with the possibility of a separation anxiety that may or may not arise.  It would be harder for longer, for both of us.


Maybe not. 

I am not nearly as educational, nor fun, as I had once thought I would be as a parent, so this will be a nice change for him.  Maybe he will even do some crafts for me but not with me............ooooooh my first Christmas decoration, oh god, this is going to be great!

Aside from the nice little break in the day, we also get to go back to school shopping for the very first time!!  If I was a scrap booker, I would so be scrap booking the shit out of this! 

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

He is ruining the play, someone stop him

I had a day that was filled with toddler style chaos. Just a regular day really.  But I was off.  I have had to survive on very little sleep (blah blah blah, the old sleep song again...........does it ever end??) while feeling under the weather with two sicky kids. What was probably just regular, excitable, 3 year old behaviour at the end of the day, finally reached a point of nearly unbearable madness.

There was a small break, not in the pandemonium that was my day, but in my attitude towards it.  I had a moment that was not unlike the play scene in the movie Parenthood.  You know the one, where the play gets ruined and the father goes from total anxiety, to eventually going with the flow, even to the point of enjoying the disarray.

For me it was the constant reprimanding for hitting, throwing, screaming etc etc etc...........I had the feeling like my chest was slowly compressing, my breath coming in small sporadic inhales, little puffs of exhausted air in my exhales.  I felt as if I couldn't breathe, as if there was in intense pressure building inside me that was threatening to explode.

This was the exact moment that the Ro-Dog decided to pick up a couple of measuring cups, bang them together as hard and loud as he could while scream singing and running around the house naked.  The naked part was the only reason (oh yes and the pure exhausted effort it would have taken to find the camera) I did not get off my lazy arse and video tape the madness that was my life at that moment.

I don't know if it was just out right giving up the fight that tampered down the potential for a clean run out of the room and into the bathroom to hide for a while, or if I finally decided to enjoy the roller coaster ride instead of pushing against it.  For whatever reason, there I sat calmly, a smirk of appreciation forming on my lips,  an excited and squirming Avery giggling on my lap.  And there we were, A-Rock and I, watching his big brother act as crazy as any 3 year old I have ever seen.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Mama instincts:1 mama: 0

So, as I had mentioned on the last post, I had spent a week at the cottage with Colin's family, sans Colin.  It was AMAZING!  It was such a nice pace of life, always with someone (adult that is) awake at the same time I was, always with someone to share the cooking/cleaning responsibility with.  Always with the extra pair of hands to help out with the kiddies.  Always with an age appropriate, temperament appropriate play mate for both of the boys (as if any right minded nine month old gives a crap about a playmate, aside from stealing their toys!)

Rohan fell asleep exhausted almost every single night, while I read stories.  And by that I mean, while I was reading the story, Rohan would conk out.  No fuss no muss.  Dreamy.  A-Rock, as if it could any better with that kid, did not even make noises of protest when I put him down for naps/to bed at night.  He literally rolled over with a sigh of relief and went straight to sleep.

Three cheers for the dreamy wonderfulness that is staying at the cottage for a week.  Sigh.

During our wonderful amazing stay, A-Rock mastered the art of crawling and pulling himself up to a sitting position.  Is there nothing that the magic of the cottage cannot do?

But, as with all things, our dreamy vacation had to come to an end, and homeward bound we were again.  After getting home, unpacking the goods, and eating our din dins, it was sleepy time for the A-Rock.  As I lay him contentfully into his crib, I couldn't help but notice that it was still at the top level, the infant level as they call it.  Hmmmm, I thought to myself, we need to lower that guy down now that he has become much more mobile.  Yes, I though, tomorrow is the day, but for now???  Sleepytown for the baby.

Not a baby.  Not a baby.  Not a baby.

I stepped out of the room, closed the door, and suffered from the niggling feeling that I should just take him out, get Colin to help me lower the crib.............THEN put him back to sleep.  I ignored that feeling and stepped my stupid ass down the stairs.

He cried.  He cried.  He HOWLED.

I decided to run up and grab him, nurse him in the bed while the crib gets lower by hubby, no sense in delaying it anymore if he wasn't going to sleep anyway.

I made it up there a hair slower than Colin.  He opens the door and there is poor, distraught, beside himself, Avery, crawling toward the door................. on the floor.


A five hour stay at the hospital, comforting words and mini lecture from the nurses later, we are back home sleeping off the trauma of the day, Avery fine, except for his need to sleep on me for the night.  Mama is frazzled and feels so very very stupid for not trusting those dang instincts.  Stupid mom.  Sorry baby!

Monday, August 15, 2011

back on track

There are a few things out there that can cause a serious tightening in my chest (actually a lot of things can do that as of late, bah, motherhood) but this most recent cause made life feel so ....................boring. 

I was disconnected from the internet for two weeks......*gasp*

The first week was in a glorious setting of the mans cottage, so was self inflicted. Tback on trackhe second week, however, was pure, heart stopping, torture.  It consisted of a weeks worth of talking with the costumer service reps at Bell, not awful, but not very productive. 

Obviously, a final success, but man oh man, having no computer can certainly force one with the family  *double gasp*.  Thank god that is over!!