Tuesday, July 26, 2011


As if it was actually possible to not include this tiny tid bit of information on my previous post.  I had this niggling feeling in the back of mind that I was missing some important information concerning the possible links to the incredible turn around in A-Rock's sleeping habits. 

That tiny bit if info?

He is doing what can only be described as a dolphin belly flop crawl attempt, which is now successfully propelling him forward at lightning fast (or the opposite of lightning fast) speed.  This crawling manouver is seriously a thing of beauty.

He reaches his arms up and out in front of his head, smacking his hands down on the ground a couple of times to get his bearings.  He then pushes his massively diapered bum up into the air, followed by his thighs than calves in a perfectly executed plank (if y'all know yoga) or step one in the process of a push up.  He then digs his toes into the ground, slowly scooting a few inched forward, with the shear power of his tiny little foot digits.  After he makes it that few centimetres forward he does a sort of belly flop back on the the ground, rolling his leg, than torso back down.  This is repeated until he makes it to his desired location.

Thankfully, this is a very very slow process, for now. Though, come to think of it, it has gotten quicker over the last couple of days (this all went down last Thursday), A-Rock obviously mastering this incredible awkward and adorable 'crawl'. 

And so up go the gates that are not fitting properly yet.  Frick.  You look forward to this moment their whole life, than it catches you by surprise and you suddenly realize that you house is pretty much a DEATHTRAP for mobile babies.  I must now relearn how to baby proof a house...............wish me luck..........

Monday, July 25, 2011

A good run

As Colin and I sat on the couch listening to Avery howl upstairs, he proclaimed with not even a small dose of satire
It was a good run. ..

You know what?  It really has been a good run.  For nearly 8 months of his life, A-Rock has made our life so very very much easier than we could have imagined by sleeping at night without much of a fuss.  He has had but a few sleep through the night nights (which is a very different term in respect to an adult version of a whole nights sleep...........very different indeed), but it has still been almost entirely painless.  Good baby Avery, good baby.

That is until recently, I would say over the last two weeks or so.  Instead of doing his usual tired grumbling rumblings before falling contentedly off to dream land, he wails as if crab like pincers are pinching him over and over again on his tender little tootsies.  WAAAAAAAAAAAA.  And though it is sad, and makes for a much more labour intensive put down (nurse, nurse, nurse, rock. rock, rock, pray, pray, pray).  We still feel extremely lucky to have had those precious, easy months in our first year.

We don't blame him, nor do we curse, or swear, or shake our fists at the ceiling muttering, why me god, why me, like we may have on the odd occasion (very rarely, really......no, really) with R0-Dog as a young pup.  We are a bit more patient and understanding this time around.  We see those two top teeth popping out (upping the count to 4),we can not help but notice that his nose has been releasing a clear and constant stream of slimy snot, making it hard for him to breathe, especially at night. We understand.  It's tough.

Maybe he is just feeling a bit more needy these days.  Maybe we threw him off schedule by going to the cottage last month, having him stay out late at night, so desperately tired that he had no choice but to fall asleep on his Nana...Twice... Only to force this on him again next weekend.  What can you do?  Not live?  Have no fun? 

Anywho, he is not that easy to put to sleep these days, but, regardless of this indiscretion,  we love him still..........

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


There are so many positive aspects, positive outcomes, to having your power out for four days.
  Here are just a few of joyous things that come from no power (not to forget of course that with no power = no phone AND no water)

1) You get to enjoy the magic of camping, but in a house, and with a toilet.  This toilet, of course, will remind one of an outhouse REAL quick like.  (see Colin gagging and nearly vomiting when opening up the lid after only 2 short days of deposits).

2) You do not need to do dishes for several days.

3) You do not need to do laundry for a couple of days.....in fact.....

4) Cleaning of any kind is thrown to the back burner as quick as sex after two kids (boooyaa)

5) You get a chance to start a fresh with new and exciting foods to fill up your now empty and foul smelling refrigerator.

6) You have a fabulous reason to leave the house every morning.................to eat.

7) You can justify all the crap foods that you have been surviving off of for a week, such as cookies, chips, peanut butter and jelly sandwiche,s pasta and sauce made in one pot cooked on the single burner butane jobby that is meant for camping....

8) You aren't expected to make dinner every night, cuz there ain't nothing to make and no ways to make it!

9)  You finally get your sorry ass off of the computer and spend some quality time with (yelling at) your kids.

10)  You get to enjoy a refreshing bath in the river in front of a bunch of drunk teenagers.

11) You get to bond with your significant other in your stinky, sweltering hot, extremely messy, pitch black house.  Or read by candle light, than pass out at ridiculously early hours of the evening, whatever floats your boat.

Stuff that I missed the most during our powerless days?  Coffee in the morning.  Once the butane burner was found I was pretty much good to go!  Oh, well, I guess flushing the toilet was up there (barf). I can live without a shower as long as I have a body of water to swim in......

Overall?  We survived four days with no power, and it wasn't too bad. 

Thursday, July 14, 2011

a few new book idea's

So I know a few post of past I had mentioned the glorious and, in my opinion, GENIUS, book called Go The Fuck To Sleep.  Well, I have been thinking quite a bit about this book throughout my days of daily motherhood torture, and I have come up with a few more books that I would love to see on the bookshelves.

Yes my love, I do see that super fun toy over there.  It does look like a great toy in which to play.  But now is not the time to carouse my dear, no time in which to squeal. So please, if you may, drop that toy, come to the table and Eat your f$%#ing meal!

Look at the sun so bright in the sky, the grass so green down below. The rocks are shining alight on the ground with a strange and sparkly glow.  So many thing to see on the way, so very much to explore.  I can see that you are a bit distracted my little one, by all that nature brings near and far, but mama is late for her appointment now, so please, for the love of god, Get in The F*&# in the Car.

 I can see you wriggle to the left handsome man, I can see you wriggling to the right.  You can hop up and down on one foot my dear, than switch that hopping to the other.  You are having too much fun, I can see that cutie pie, you just don't want to leave. Your friends are all here, you are having a splendid time, so let's not make this into certain wars.  Please my child, I beg of you please Don't Pee in your F%&$ing Drawers!
 And so very very many more could be out there.  A whole library of parenthood frustration venting........It would be glorious.  We could all be rich, RICH I say!  Man, why didn't I think of writing that book?  Bah.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The defication diaries

Consider this your warning - This story is not for the faint of heart..........I can barely gag my way through telling it!

This morning started off innocently enough, Ro-Dog was the first to wake me up, drenched from head to foot in his morning urine.  You see, it is still a fifty-fifty chance of peeing in the bed.  Every day is a new and exciting gamble, do I need to wash yet another set of urine soaked sheets and pajama's?  Will I catch him in time? I am pretty much living life on the edge every night that I, yet again, choose to go diaper free......but I degress, this is not, as you can see from the title above, the pee pee diaries.

SO anywho, after feeding my 3 year old his cereal, spoon full by glorious too old to be spoon fed spoonful, our lovely little bambino made his adorable cooing sounds indicating his awakening.  After removing his diaper, I decided to leaving him to air out on the carpet while I got his breakfast ready (Plain yogurt, ground flax seed and mushed banana, what a lucky little ducky he is!).  He was so contented over there, entertaining himself, that I decided to take the opportunity to put away the dishes.  Oh why oh why did I not take the time to just pop my head a little bit closer to him to see why on earth he was so...........quiet and happy.......

Dishes happily stacked in their respective cupboards, dirty ones ready for a hearty cleaning in the dishwasher, I stroll into the living room to see what was happening.  I was not surprised to see that the wee one had pooped on the carpet, he does that at times, seriously, he poops A LOT during the day. Nudidty is a risk I go into with my eyes open.  However, this is the first time that he had so much time in between him pooping and me catching it.  Yes, this is going exactly where you think it is. He found said poop.  It's totally solid, so there is no serious mush action, or wouldn't have been had he not rolled a.round in it, picked it up, squished it between his fingers, and (please let this not have happened) perhaps taste tested...............oh god, say it ain't so.  I don't have any solid proof of the consumption, so I will happily state that none if it went down the

So after that adventure, I cleaned and sterilized and readied him for his real breakfast.  I sat him down in his super, crazy, awesome, wooden high chair that I bought him at a garage sale, and got ready to spoon in the goods.  That is, until I took a closer look at the kitchen table, you know the one that we eat at almost every single meal.  Poop.  Little tiny itty bitty mouse poops.  On my table.  Kitchen table.  The one we eat at.

All of the sudden everywhere I looked there were little defiant rodent scatters.

I suddenly couldn't put Avery down ANYWHERE.  As I ponder the arduous task of attempting to scour the whole first level of the house while at the same time trying to prevent the kiddies from touching anything, I had a little cry.  It was a bit overwhelming and depressing.  So, we left.  I packed those kiddies up and we took a trip to the hardware store to pick up a live mouse trap, than to the coffee shop for some second breakfast.

My thought process for this seeming escapist attitude was, if I could just get Avery to sleep on the way  home(he actually fell asleep on me at the coffee shop.......good baby) than I would only have to deal with dissuading Ro-Ro from touching stuff.  It worked out pretty good, he slept, and the toddler even helped vacuum a bit, good boy!

It was a very tough job, but gosh darn, this place has never been so clean!  Though of course I spent a good portion of the day in a cloud of no patience and a total lack of attention on the kids.  But I saved them.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to claim any status of heroism for single handedly taking all of our shit to the trash today (okay, I do a little), but, without sounding too egotistical about the situation, a big fat gold star could really go a long way!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Go the Fuck to sleep

I know I know, everybody has heard about this magical story that fully expresses the total frustration that every parent has to endure in their lifetime.  For some, the ridiculousness that can be involved in putting their child to sleep can create a fit of anxiety every single night, heart pounding, palms sweating, spying the time on the clock with a sense of dread.  Bed time.  My chest is constricting just thinking about it. 

But to hear Samuel L Jackson narrate this story, well it is like nothing you have heard before.  The person that wrote this story is an absolute genius!

Go the FUCK to Sleep indeed! 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

A Real Man

Rohan has been expressing his independence and individuality quite a bit lately.  Most of all, R-dog has been showing off his love of himself.  Over the last couple of days he has exhibited his narcissism to extremes only a young lad of 3 can truly explore.

One example of his egocentricity was an incident yesterday evening.  He discovered an orange ribbon on the floor of my bedroom (I don't pick shit up for days, whatever..).  As he wrapped the ribbon around his shirtless torso he exclaimed with the force of certainty I am a real man.  While flexing his pythons in a manner suited for only the most muscular of body builders, he continued to assert that his orange ribbon combined with his blatant brawn created a real and true man.  Where in the hell do they get this stuff?

Shortly before this demonstration of pure testosterone, he showed us how much he just couldn't get enough of himself by eating his own boogies.  A love so strong that he could not imagine wasting any tiny bit of his manly man self!

A-Rock showed us how macho he was by picking up an earwig off the floor (dead or alive, we will never know) and munching on it, only to spit the partially consumed and tragically deceased carcass onto the carpet.  We plan to sign him up for Fear Factor baby pretty soon!