Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Dear boobies part deux

Goodness me, how could I possibly have sent an apologetic booby letter without an honorary mention to the excruciation that is the process of expressing milk.  The manual and electric pumps that, after a short while of constant pumping, form your nipples into something akin to cow udders the length of your baby finger.  The hands only manual expression that should be considered a form of torture.  The sad and disheartening final product after said painful extraction of milk, just one ounce of liquid gold.  Two red and throbbing breast, 15-20 minutes of anguish for 1 measly ounce................sob.

Again my boobies, I am so very very sorry!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Dear Boobies

Dear boobies,

You started off so small and perky and delighted to be alive.  With much resistance you were forced into restricted, itchy cloths, hidden behind uncertainty and embarrassment.
As you grew bigger and heavier you were partially exposed to the world.  Pride and uncertainty fighting for the limelight over and over again.
You grew, as did the interest from outsiders.  You were tentatively touched in the beginning, than tugged, tweaked, sucked and flicked at a moments notice.  Never pain, always pleasure.  Especially during the freedom years when the bra was burned and the shirts were extra soft and silky.
Than the first stages of pregnancy created a tenderness so painful that it had never even been experienced during the visits of Aunt Flow.  And so started the never ending stage of HANDS OFF.
Pregnancy complete, baby arrives, the torture truly begins. You grow to extremes unchartered.  Your consistency changes from being kind of malleable to boulders, big, hard, untouchable boulders.
And then you are introduced to the new boob owners.  They are cute but MEAN.  They have no qualms about pulling, scratching, yanking, nibbling, vacuum suctioning and just being outright inappropriate with their handling of you, dear boobs.  And this new guy in town?  Well, since he has produced his first tooth, he is getting closer and closer to being overthrown. With every clamping, there is an absolute fear that parts of you will be missing after each forced extraction.
So to you, boobies, my sincerest apologies for the years of abuse, for the cruel acts of the children and for the unnatural sag created by age.   I am so very very sorry.  May you survive the A-Rock, living to see another day!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Advanced kiddlets

Our household has been jam packed with new and amazing developmental advancements this week!  It has been a week filled with amazement, awe......Okay, it has been pretty exciting for me anyway, and maybe a bit for the kids.  I think even the old man cracked smile of carefully masked appreciation.

For Rohan, the excitement brought on animated yowling of joy from his mama.  I was outside filling up the ole car tire (as I do every morning, really must get the bloody thing plugged one of these days!) and checking out the beauty that is my mini garden of vegetable Eden. Ro-Dog was inside hiding from the swarms of 'skitos.  When I entered the house The R-Dog informed me that he had urinated. As I attempted to partially hide my irritation at having to deal with yet another pair of pee pee pants to clean, I went on the hunt for the puddle of yurn on the floor.  I was than lovingly guided to the potty and shown it rimming with wee wee.  Without any demanding or coaxing or convincing from me, he took it upon himself to just walk into the bathroom, pull down his tiny, adorable, Spiderman boy undies, and peed.  A first, of hopefully many many moments of independence.   Pardon me while I weep.

For the A-Rock, the advancements just kept on rolling in.  In the short span of one week our littlest started sitting up on his accord, popped out his first tooth, started eating some finger foods (grapes and blueberries) and continues on his mission to crawl.  He has also gone through some crazy growth spurt, suddenly busting out of his 3-6 month clothing, cruising past the 6 months and now fitting comfortable in his 12 monthers.  Wowza!  We are luckily stocked up in the 12 month clothing.

So sleeping has been......................a little out of whack let's say.   A lot more co-sleeping happening, myself wedged in between  two pairs of stinky boy feet.  But I love it!  I love watching my little boys grow up.  Kind of awesome..........

Monday, June 20, 2011

daddy does that sometimes

There are many many amazing things that suddenly occur when your child starts talking to you in full, comprehensive sentences. The first things is obvious, the fact that your once drooling, cooing, infant is now a toddler talking about the size of the mole on your chest, amazing (ish)!  Actually he has started calling my moles nipples, in fact a lot of things are now called nipple........but whatever!

We have actual, real, adult conversations now.  He explains situations to me, or tell me stories, or even offers me up imaginative scenarios.  He is a rockstar at imaginative play..  What I have found myself doing during our conversations these days is getting information out of him. 

I have been enjoying interactive, imaginative play, but with a purpose.  Pure curiosity.  I want to know if any part of our daily lives gets played out.  Any dirt.  You know, those days that you would sooner forget than to watch your young toddler play it on the living room carpet with his dinosaurs.  So far so good. Nothing significant, or real for that matter, totally imaginative play.

Except, his absolutely hilarious and constant statement of daddy does that sometimes.  He farts and calls it an air toot daddy says that sometimes.  He starts trying to play wipe out with me by running and smashing into me from across the room daddy let me watch that sometimes.  I can, without any coaxing, get all the dirt on what happens with daddy when I am not around..............YES!!  I love it!  Such a gossip queen.  Daddy is in TROUBLE!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

i'll pump you up

I have been invited to shin dig that has been an annual event for the people of our wee village.  It is happening in a couple of weeks.  I am crapping my pants.  This super special event is for girls only, for the first time, no boys or men allowed.  Sounds great, sounds easy.  There is more.  It's a camp out.  Over night.  All night.  No boys.

No sweat right?  Well.........I have actually never been away from home over night since we have had a home.  I went out, over a weekend to visit a friend once while we lived in Victoria.  However, this was not sans child........does it count?  Nope, it really doesn't.

In the last 3 years of having Rohan and Avery, I have not spent one night away from either of them.  Do you know what that sounds like in my head?  Dedicated!  No, actually, kind of sad.  So now I am starting to pump like a mad woman.  In fact I did some pumping while watching the final Stanley cup game............didn't even get an ounce, is that bad luck?  And now I have my fingers and toes crossed that he will start drinking from the bottle and not just chewing and crying. 

It may take a  lot of psyching myself up to leave my little and big men (or not, I may just end up escaping with a spring in my step...)  I am even nervous about having a few drinks, like more than two.  Why I haven't had more than two consecutive alcoholic beverages since.............hmmmm since taking on the daunting task of making another baby.  That is an on going event that needs a whole lot of wine, that's fo sho! 

So here we go, a full night off from the boys, surrounded by girls, surrounded by estrogen, surrounded by tents, a lake, booze and good freaking times.  Oh god, I can't breathe........................

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

hummus stinks!

I have made some not so pleasant discoveries in my food introduction project with Avery.  My number 25 food, yogurt, backs the poor lad up.  When once he was leaving me little presents in his diaper up to 5 times a day, he is now down to one if I am lucky (depending, of course, on what you consider to be lucky.......poop happens to be a HUGE gold star in my life right now..........*sob* ).

I also have a dilemma with my number 26 food.  Aside from producing some of the most nostril hair burning smell from Avery's diaper thus far that is!  This food product is actually an accumulation of several food products.  Hummus..  Now do I just count it as one, or do I add them all up as individual ingredients?  Considering my numbers are pretty low right now, I may do a bit of a cheap and offer a few of them up with their own number.

26. Chickpeas
 27.  Tahini
28. Lemon
28. garlic
I am tempted with the olive oil, but I will omit it in order to not seem too petty! 
29. Cucumber  this was not actually in the hummus, and in no way was associated with the hummus, just an extra food.
Also 30. Barley

But mostly, Yams and banana's are what his diet consists of.  Banana's are just too bloody easy for me not to feed it to him everyday.  I can bring a banana anywhere, squish little pieces with my fingers and tada, meal.  With the astonishing amount of crap that I need to take with me everywhere I go, it is nice to only have to bring a banana for lunch!

Monday, June 13, 2011

too clever for a 3 year old

A while back I mentioned my true initiation into parenthood, the first declaration of love from my amazing little toddler.  Swoon.  You can not beat that sound, the sound of adoration from your little man.  This became a constant in our daily conversations, completely not coaxed by me.  We would be innocently going for a walk down the street and out would come 'Me love you, and daddy and Avery'.  Damn he wins cutest kid award for sure.

Well, things have changed a little bit in this happy little household of ours.  It came out of the blue, I don't even know if we were all around for this monumental and totally upsetting moment.  Colin could have been at work, or elsewhere, but I am pretty sure he wasn't around to hear the first, of many, sad mutterings of his wee man.

"Me no love daddy anymore'

That is the sound of my and Colin's heart breaking up into little pieces.   It was sad, but we got through it.  I even may have mentioned it to a few friends over coffee.  Poor Colin, Rohan has never talked about any decrease in affection toward his mother, you know the hand that feeds him.  Smart kid.  That is, until tonight.

I was peacefully reading in the bath, waiting for Rohan to come and join me, when I heard 'Me no love mama, me love you'.  This was said to dear ole dad.

Now, I may have been completely deceived in this concept, but I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to hear those words until the infamous teenage angst years.  And, I was certain, that it was something that would not often be spoken against me, his mother. He is my little boy after all, he is supposed to love me unconditionally..............forever.

But here we are, dealing with our crafty son pitting his parents against each other, an incredibly amusing issue we didn't realize was in the capacity of a child at the tender age of 3.  Very clever little man, very clever indeed. Too clever in fact.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Hello Ladies!

Well my friends, it finally happened, and I am exhausted.  In the past, pre baby #2, I assumed this was an impossibility, I just never thought I could ever get so lucky so early in the game.  It was so easy, so so simple.  Too simple.  I am going to want more and more, on a more and more regular basis.  Such an extravagance, such a novelty.

That's right, ladies night, and it was glorious.  In fact, I was extremely, embarrassingly, excited about it.  So excited that as I was walking toward the restaurant the excitement started to bubble over, before I had a chance to contain it, I busted a giggling happy dance, with a super sexy strut (or so I thought!).  Apparently I don't get out much.

Don't get me wrong, this wasn't a piss up, party till you dance topless on the tables (everyone does that right?).  It was just the ladies going out for a nice classy dinner at some nice classy digs.  If anyone has had Noodle Box, it is like that, but eat in, and not in a box! Yum effin Yum.

Do you want to know what a pile of new moms (and one seasoned professional) sit around and talk about?  I bet you do (not) care!  Sleep (lessness) vomit (baby and adult), and poop.  Was there more in the conversation?  Maybe, but these three subjects ALWAYS reign supreme with moms.  ALWAYS.  The poor, romantic, couple behind us.  Nobody really needs to hear this shit, but we just cannot help ourselves.

Despite the fact that I was forced awake several times that night, and permanently at 4am, I had a great time.  Despite the fact that I manage to leave the house twice a week for a couple of hours each, this was so so much different.  It was out. It was great.  It will most definitely happen again!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Beach day, beach day....

Our first adventure at the beach this year.  It certainly offers a whole different dynamic when you have two little 'uns to watch over...near water......near edible sand........near goose poop.   On the plus side, this year Rohan LOVED being in the water (as opposed to years past when he preferred sitting on the beach and digging in the sand) as did Avery!  Yay beach bum babies, it is going to be a super swell summer me thinks!!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Bite me

Avery and I are sat on the couch, curled in the far corner, staring lovingly into each others eyes.  He suckles contently on my teat, obtaining the liquid gold that sustained him in his infancy, soothes him, fills him, makes him sleepy, happy and chunky.  This is the stuff that he lives for. 

We sit there, contently on the couch, bonding over our ever so uncommon one on one time.  His eyes squint a bit in a grin, his gums clamp down and he pulls with everything his little jaws have.  Only after a high pitched screech sprays out of my mouth does he finally release his grip, staring right in my eye, offering a big, slobbery, cheeky grin.

He looks at my face, grin still enveloping his face, he looks over at my sore and tender nipple, than ever so gentle flicks it with a finger.  Giggles escaping his gape mouth as he grabs as much breast as he can fit in his tiny fist, pulling with all his might until it finally reaches it ultimate destination, his wide open mouth.

Pure delight is spread across his face.  Pure dread forms around mine.  Above act is repeated. Then repeated again.  He laughs (maniacally I can only assume).  I tuck my throbbing mammary back into its padded hammock, swearing to my self that these antics will have to end once he starts sprouting teeth. 

I may be nipple less by the end of this one.......

Friday, June 3, 2011

Beet that

Some more newbies that my little monkey has tried.  Man is he a crazy good eater, like a little bird, opening up his little beak..........C-U-T-I-E-- M-C-T-T-O-O-T-I-E

19. Apricot
20. Asparagus
21. Beets
22. broccoli
23. Quinoa
24. Raisins

The only food he has so far outright objected to has been avocado.  I mean, I fed the kid such bitter veggies as swiss chard and kale, and it is the super yummy smooth avocado that he rejects.  strange indeed. 

There are also a few things I learned about feeding a baby beets.  There is a good chance they will not like them at first (or ever for that matter). Beets doesn't totally dye his face, but he does seem a bit more red cheeked and jolly these days!  Also, DO NOT PANIC, that is beets in his diaper, he is not bleeding out of his bum.  That one can stop a heart beet...