Here I am at a new journey in life, diving into the depths of the unknown, thinking to myself 'self, what have you gotten yourself into?' Am I ready for this step, am I prepared enough, emotionally, for what is to come? Do I feel confident and secure enough in myself to be comfortable with this life choice that I have made?
I am both nervous and excited, slightly panicked, but in a surreal calm. I must repeat to myself that I did this with intent, it was not something I just stumbled upon, but something I had to work at to create. I am not alone, there are many like me out there, I have met them, and they seem quite happy with their decision.
I am in it now, there is no turning back. My life with be forever changed. I am ready, here we go..................Hi ho hi ho it is off to blogging I go! (I never would have imagined those word would ever be uttered by my lips!)
I had a difficult time deciding what faucet of my life I would most like to start a blog about. My career, knitting, yoga, relationship, the life of an anglo living in Quebec (actually pretty interesting stuff) or, of course, motherhood. I considered my options, for approximately 10 seconds, until I settled on motherhood. What else could it be really? This motherhood thing has redefined me, made me open my eyes to so much more beauty and simplicity and innocence, and closed my eyes to images I don't need, horror movies, books with some disturbing content, loud, aggressive, angry music. I have essentially become a classic parent. I get it now. And I love it......mostly.
We have been going through a major heat wave and I am pregnant, (almost 6 months) working inside the hottest restaurant EVER (oh yes and the temp is pretty high up there too, hay hoooo) as a server, and spending my days inside the house running around after my naked (clothing is overrated) 2 year old. Days like these ones and I would like to hang up my motherhood jacket (temporarily of course) and sleep in front of a fan for a couple of weeks (with pee and food breaks inevitably). But just when you feel like you can not take it any more, you have the most beautiful little man curl up beside you, look you right in the eye, and plant a big sweaty kiss on your lips. And that is how motherhood feels most of the time. Like love.
This is a love your heart has never felt before. My heart is literally swelling thinking about this love I have, and will always have, embedding inside of me like a tattoo. I already feel this love interrupting my thoughts with the little kicks of internal abuse. A baby I haven't met, but have already fallen head over heals over. Yup, motherhood, whew, but I think I'll keep it!