So I have finally caved. After nearly 4 years of broken sleep at night, I have decided to take a stand for my sanity. Maybe even give myself a chance to be a happier, well rested..........cheerful even, mother. I can feel this overwhelming crankiness take me over on most days, I guess I can now see why. Sleep is important. Not only for myself, but for the wee ones.
This is good for him, it teaches him the essential life skill of putting himself to sleep, a skill he knew before Jack Frost started nipping at our noses, one that slowly drifted away with the assistance of his over protective, smothering mother. A fever here, a cold room there and bam, the wee one, who was the best sleeper ever, is in my bed and only falling asleep while in my arms or laying down beside me in my bed
This is good right?
As I lay with Rohan, listening to the tortured screams of my little baby, going against all of my maternal instincts to nurture and comfort when upset, I had to repeat the mantra 'this is for you, this is for me, we need to sleep child before we LOSE it'. This is so when I one day decide to go out at night I will enjoy myself and not feel horrible for making someone else deal with having to put him down to sleep. For those nights that the man is away and I am left to my own devices, trying to get both boys to bed without having to lay down with both of them in my bed while reading a book with a flash light.
This is good. This is good.
This is awful. I hate this. I never thought I would be the mom to do the 'crying it out' method. I know that he is fine, he is full, he is clean, he is VERY tired. But he screams. Loudly. Very very loudly. I just want to lay down with him and give up the battle. But I won't. This is day two. No backtracking. 15 minutes. Will this traumatize him for bed time from here on in? Am I screwing myself? Nope, don't talk your way out of it, it is okay, he still loves you.
It took an hour last night. I can't believe I made it. He would trick me with these little pauses and I would breath out a sigh of relief, ahhhhh thank god, he is finally sleeping. Then the tortured screams would come out again. Damn. Please go to sleep, please go to sleep.
Rohan drifted contently off to sleep without a worry in the world! A good sign for putting them into the same room together I guess. Yes, my baby, at one and a half is still in my room. I wish I could say that I am done with it, but I kind of still love it. I love having him in my room, I love having him in my bed. That is probably what makes it the hardest, giving up having my baby to snuggle with at night.
Whew, this really really sucks.
I am sorry Avery, I love you, please go to sleep...........