Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The defication diaries

Consider this your warning - This story is not for the faint of heart..........I can barely gag my way through telling it!

This morning started off innocently enough, Ro-Dog was the first to wake me up, drenched from head to foot in his morning urine.  You see, it is still a fifty-fifty chance of peeing in the bed.  Every day is a new and exciting gamble, do I need to wash yet another set of urine soaked sheets and pajama's?  Will I catch him in time? I am pretty much living life on the edge every night that I, yet again, choose to go diaper free......but I degress, this is not, as you can see from the title above, the pee pee diaries.

SO anywho, after feeding my 3 year old his cereal, spoon full by glorious too old to be spoon fed spoonful, our lovely little bambino made his adorable cooing sounds indicating his awakening.  After removing his diaper, I decided to leaving him to air out on the carpet while I got his breakfast ready (Plain yogurt, ground flax seed and mushed banana, what a lucky little ducky he is!).  He was so contented over there, entertaining himself, that I decided to take the opportunity to put away the dishes.  Oh why oh why did I not take the time to just pop my head a little bit closer to him to see why on earth he was so...........quiet and happy.......

Dishes happily stacked in their respective cupboards, dirty ones ready for a hearty cleaning in the dishwasher, I stroll into the living room to see what was happening.  I was not surprised to see that the wee one had pooped on the carpet, he does that at times, seriously, he poops A LOT during the day. Nudidty is a risk I go into with my eyes open.  However, this is the first time that he had so much time in between him pooping and me catching it.  Yes, this is going exactly where you think it is. He found said poop.  It's totally solid, so there is no serious mush action, or wouldn't have been had he not rolled a.round in it, picked it up, squished it between his fingers, and (please let this not have happened) perhaps taste tested...............oh god, say it ain't so.  I don't have any solid proof of the consumption, so I will happily state that none if it went down the

So after that adventure, I cleaned and sterilized and readied him for his real breakfast.  I sat him down in his super, crazy, awesome, wooden high chair that I bought him at a garage sale, and got ready to spoon in the goods.  That is, until I took a closer look at the kitchen table, you know the one that we eat at almost every single meal.  Poop.  Little tiny itty bitty mouse poops.  On my table.  Kitchen table.  The one we eat at.

All of the sudden everywhere I looked there were little defiant rodent scatters.

I suddenly couldn't put Avery down ANYWHERE.  As I ponder the arduous task of attempting to scour the whole first level of the house while at the same time trying to prevent the kiddies from touching anything, I had a little cry.  It was a bit overwhelming and depressing.  So, we left.  I packed those kiddies up and we took a trip to the hardware store to pick up a live mouse trap, than to the coffee shop for some second breakfast.

My thought process for this seeming escapist attitude was, if I could just get Avery to sleep on the way  home(he actually fell asleep on me at the coffee shop.......good baby) than I would only have to deal with dissuading Ro-Ro from touching stuff.  It worked out pretty good, he slept, and the toddler even helped vacuum a bit, good boy!

It was a very tough job, but gosh darn, this place has never been so clean!  Though of course I spent a good portion of the day in a cloud of no patience and a total lack of attention on the kids.  But I saved them.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to claim any status of heroism for single handedly taking all of our shit to the trash today (okay, I do a little), but, without sounding too egotistical about the situation, a big fat gold star could really go a long way!

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