Goodness me, how could I possibly have sent an apologetic booby letter without an honorary mention to the excruciation that is the process of expressing milk. The manual and electric pumps that, after a short while of constant pumping, form your nipples into something akin to cow udders the length of your baby finger. The hands only manual expression that should be considered a form of torture. The sad and disheartening final product after said painful extraction of milk, just one ounce of liquid gold. Two red and throbbing breast, 15-20 minutes of anguish for 1 measly ounce................sob.
Again my boobies, I am so very very sorry!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Dear Boobies
Dear boobies,
You started off so small and perky and delighted to be alive. With much resistance you were forced into restricted, itchy cloths, hidden behind uncertainty and embarrassment.
As you grew bigger and heavier you were partially exposed to the world. Pride and uncertainty fighting for the limelight over and over again.
You grew, as did the interest from outsiders. You were tentatively touched in the beginning, than tugged, tweaked, sucked and flicked at a moments notice. Never pain, always pleasure. Especially during the freedom years when the bra was burned and the shirts were extra soft and silky.
Than the first stages of pregnancy created a tenderness so painful that it had never even been experienced during the visits of Aunt Flow. And so started the never ending stage of HANDS OFF.
Pregnancy complete, baby arrives, the torture truly begins. You grow to extremes unchartered. Your consistency changes from being kind of malleable to boulders, big, hard, untouchable boulders.
And then you are introduced to the new boob owners. They are cute but MEAN. They have no qualms about pulling, scratching, yanking, nibbling, vacuum suctioning and just being outright inappropriate with their handling of you, dear boobs. And this new guy in town? Well, since he has produced his first tooth, he is getting closer and closer to being overthrown. With every clamping, there is an absolute fear that parts of you will be missing after each forced extraction.
So to you, boobies, my sincerest apologies for the years of abuse, for the cruel acts of the children and for the unnatural sag created by age. I am so very very sorry. May you survive the A-Rock, living to see another day!
You started off so small and perky and delighted to be alive. With much resistance you were forced into restricted, itchy cloths, hidden behind uncertainty and embarrassment.
As you grew bigger and heavier you were partially exposed to the world. Pride and uncertainty fighting for the limelight over and over again.
You grew, as did the interest from outsiders. You were tentatively touched in the beginning, than tugged, tweaked, sucked and flicked at a moments notice. Never pain, always pleasure. Especially during the freedom years when the bra was burned and the shirts were extra soft and silky.
Than the first stages of pregnancy created a tenderness so painful that it had never even been experienced during the visits of Aunt Flow. And so started the never ending stage of HANDS OFF.
Pregnancy complete, baby arrives, the torture truly begins. You grow to extremes unchartered. Your consistency changes from being kind of malleable to boulders, big, hard, untouchable boulders.
And then you are introduced to the new boob owners. They are cute but MEAN. They have no qualms about pulling, scratching, yanking, nibbling, vacuum suctioning and just being outright inappropriate with their handling of you, dear boobs. And this new guy in town? Well, since he has produced his first tooth, he is getting closer and closer to being overthrown. With every clamping, there is an absolute fear that parts of you will be missing after each forced extraction.
So to you, boobies, my sincerest apologies for the years of abuse, for the cruel acts of the children and for the unnatural sag created by age. I am so very very sorry. May you survive the A-Rock, living to see another day!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Advanced kiddlets
For Rohan, the excitement brought on animated yowling of joy from his mama. I was outside filling up the ole car tire (as I do every morning, really must get the bloody thing plugged one of these days!) and checking out the beauty that is my mini garden of vegetable Eden. Ro-Dog was inside hiding from the swarms of 'skitos. When I entered the house The R-Dog informed me that he had urinated. As I attempted to partially hide my irritation at having to deal with yet another pair of pee pee pants to clean, I went on the hunt for the puddle of yurn on the floor. I was than lovingly guided to the potty and shown it rimming with wee wee. Without any demanding or coaxing or convincing from me, he took it upon himself to just walk into the bathroom, pull down his tiny, adorable, Spiderman boy undies, and peed. A first, of hopefully many many moments of independence. Pardon me while I weep.
For the A-Rock, the advancements just kept on rolling in. In the short span of one week our littlest started sitting up on his accord, popped out his first tooth, started eating some finger foods (grapes and blueberries) and continues on his mission to crawl. He has also gone through some crazy growth spurt, suddenly busting out of his 3-6 month clothing, cruising past the 6 months and now fitting comfortable in his 12 monthers. Wowza! We are luckily stocked up in the 12 month clothing.
So sleeping has been......................a little out of whack let's say. A lot more co-sleeping happening, myself wedged in between two pairs of stinky boy feet. But I love it! I love watching my little boys grow up. Kind of awesome..........
Monday, June 20, 2011
daddy does that sometimes
There are many many amazing things that suddenly occur when your child starts talking to you in full, comprehensive sentences. The first things is obvious, the fact that your once drooling, cooing, infant is now a toddler talking about the size of the mole on your chest, amazing (ish)! Actually he has started calling my moles nipples, in fact a lot of things are now called nipple........but whatever!
We have actual, real, adult conversations now. He explains situations to me, or tell me stories, or even offers me up imaginative scenarios. He is a rockstar at imaginative play.. What I have found myself doing during our conversations these days is getting information out of him.
I have been enjoying interactive, imaginative play, but with a purpose. Pure curiosity. I want to know if any part of our daily lives gets played out. Any dirt. You know, those days that you would sooner forget than to watch your young toddler play it on the living room carpet with his dinosaurs. So far so good. Nothing significant, or real for that matter, totally imaginative play.
Except, his absolutely hilarious and constant statement of daddy does that sometimes. He farts and calls it an air toot daddy says that sometimes. He starts trying to play wipe out with me by running and smashing into me from across the room daddy let me watch that sometimes. I can, without any coaxing, get all the dirt on what happens with daddy when I am not around..............YES!! I love it! Such a gossip queen. Daddy is in TROUBLE!
We have actual, real, adult conversations now. He explains situations to me, or tell me stories, or even offers me up imaginative scenarios. He is a rockstar at imaginative play.. What I have found myself doing during our conversations these days is getting information out of him.
I have been enjoying interactive, imaginative play, but with a purpose. Pure curiosity. I want to know if any part of our daily lives gets played out. Any dirt. You know, those days that you would sooner forget than to watch your young toddler play it on the living room carpet with his dinosaurs. So far so good. Nothing significant, or real for that matter, totally imaginative play.
Except, his absolutely hilarious and constant statement of daddy does that sometimes. He farts and calls it an air toot daddy says that sometimes. He starts trying to play wipe out with me by running and smashing into me from across the room daddy let me watch that sometimes. I can, without any coaxing, get all the dirt on what happens with daddy when I am not around..............YES!! I love it! Such a gossip queen. Daddy is in TROUBLE!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
i'll pump you up
I have been invited to shin dig that has been an annual event for the people of our wee village. It is happening in a couple of weeks. I am crapping my pants. This super special event is for girls only, for the first time, no boys or men allowed. Sounds great, sounds easy. There is more. It's a camp out. Over night. All night. No boys.
No sweat right? Well.........I have actually never been away from home over night since we have had a home. I went out, over a weekend to visit a friend once while we lived in Victoria. However, this was not sans child........does it count? Nope, it really doesn't.
In the last 3 years of having Rohan and Avery, I have not spent one night away from either of them. Do you know what that sounds like in my head? Dedicated! No, actually, kind of sad. So now I am starting to pump like a mad woman. In fact I did some pumping while watching the final Stanley cup game............didn't even get an ounce, is that bad luck? And now I have my fingers and toes crossed that he will start drinking from the bottle and not just chewing and crying.
It may take a lot of psyching myself up to leave my little and big men (or not, I may just end up escaping with a spring in my step...) I am even nervous about having a few drinks, like more than two. Why I haven't had more than two consecutive alcoholic beverages since.............hmmmm since taking on the daunting task of making another baby. That is an on going event that needs a whole lot of wine, that's fo sho!
So here we go, a full night off from the boys, surrounded by girls, surrounded by estrogen, surrounded by tents, a lake, booze and good freaking times. Oh god, I can't breathe........................
No sweat right? Well.........I have actually never been away from home over night since we have had a home. I went out, over a weekend to visit a friend once while we lived in Victoria. However, this was not sans child........does it count? Nope, it really doesn't.
In the last 3 years of having Rohan and Avery, I have not spent one night away from either of them. Do you know what that sounds like in my head? Dedicated! No, actually, kind of sad. So now I am starting to pump like a mad woman. In fact I did some pumping while watching the final Stanley cup game............didn't even get an ounce, is that bad luck? And now I have my fingers and toes crossed that he will start drinking from the bottle and not just chewing and crying.
It may take a lot of psyching myself up to leave my little and big men (or not, I may just end up escaping with a spring in my step...) I am even nervous about having a few drinks, like more than two. Why I haven't had more than two consecutive alcoholic beverages since.............hmmmm since taking on the daunting task of making another baby. That is an on going event that needs a whole lot of wine, that's fo sho!
So here we go, a full night off from the boys, surrounded by girls, surrounded by estrogen, surrounded by tents, a lake, booze and good freaking times. Oh god, I can't breathe........................
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
hummus stinks!
I have made some not so pleasant discoveries in my food introduction project with Avery. My number 25 food, yogurt, backs the poor lad up. When once he was leaving me little presents in his diaper up to 5 times a day, he is now down to one if I am lucky (depending, of course, on what you consider to be lucky.......poop happens to be a HUGE gold star in my life right now..........*sob* ).
I also have a dilemma with my number 26 food. Aside from producing some of the most nostril hair burning smell from Avery's diaper thus far that is! This food product is actually an accumulation of several food products. Hummus.. Now do I just count it as one, or do I add them all up as individual ingredients? Considering my numbers are pretty low right now, I may do a bit of a cheap and offer a few of them up with their own number.
26. Chickpeas
27. Tahini
28. Lemon
28. garlic
I am tempted with the olive oil, but I will omit it in order to not seem too petty!
29. Cucumber this was not actually in the hummus, and in no way was associated with the hummus, just an extra food.
Also 30. Barley
But mostly, Yams and banana's are what his diet consists of. Banana's are just too bloody easy for me not to feed it to him everyday. I can bring a banana anywhere, squish little pieces with my fingers and tada, meal. With the astonishing amount of crap that I need to take with me everywhere I go, it is nice to only have to bring a banana for lunch!
I also have a dilemma with my number 26 food. Aside from producing some of the most nostril hair burning smell from Avery's diaper thus far that is! This food product is actually an accumulation of several food products. Hummus.. Now do I just count it as one, or do I add them all up as individual ingredients? Considering my numbers are pretty low right now, I may do a bit of a cheap and offer a few of them up with their own number.
26. Chickpeas
27. Tahini
28. Lemon
28. garlic
I am tempted with the olive oil, but I will omit it in order to not seem too petty!
29. Cucumber this was not actually in the hummus, and in no way was associated with the hummus, just an extra food.
Also 30. Barley
But mostly, Yams and banana's are what his diet consists of. Banana's are just too bloody easy for me not to feed it to him everyday. I can bring a banana anywhere, squish little pieces with my fingers and tada, meal. With the astonishing amount of crap that I need to take with me everywhere I go, it is nice to only have to bring a banana for lunch!
Monday, June 13, 2011
too clever for a 3 year old
A while back I mentioned my true initiation into parenthood, the first declaration of love from my amazing little toddler. Swoon. You can not beat that sound, the sound of adoration from your little man. This became a constant in our daily conversations, completely not coaxed by me. We would be innocently going for a walk down the street and out would come 'Me love you, and daddy and Avery'. Damn he wins cutest kid award for sure.
Well, things have changed a little bit in this happy little household of ours. It came out of the blue, I don't even know if we were all around for this monumental and totally upsetting moment. Colin could have been at work, or elsewhere, but I am pretty sure he wasn't around to hear the first, of many, sad mutterings of his wee man.
"Me no love daddy anymore'
That is the sound of my and Colin's heart breaking up into little pieces. It was sad, but we got through it. I even may have mentioned it to a few friends over coffee. Poor Colin, Rohan has never talked about any decrease in affection toward his mother, you know the hand that feeds him. Smart kid. That is, until tonight.
I was peacefully reading in the bath, waiting for Rohan to come and join me, when I heard 'Me no love mama, me love you'. This was said to dear ole dad.
Now, I may have been completely deceived in this concept, but I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to hear those words until the infamous teenage angst years. And, I was certain, that it was something that would not often be spoken against me, his mother. He is my little boy after all, he is supposed to love me unconditionally..............forever.
But here we are, dealing with our crafty son pitting his parents against each other, an incredibly amusing issue we didn't realize was in the capacity of a child at the tender age of 3. Very clever little man, very clever indeed. Too clever in fact.
Well, things have changed a little bit in this happy little household of ours. It came out of the blue, I don't even know if we were all around for this monumental and totally upsetting moment. Colin could have been at work, or elsewhere, but I am pretty sure he wasn't around to hear the first, of many, sad mutterings of his wee man.
"Me no love daddy anymore'
That is the sound of my and Colin's heart breaking up into little pieces. It was sad, but we got through it. I even may have mentioned it to a few friends over coffee. Poor Colin, Rohan has never talked about any decrease in affection toward his mother, you know the hand that feeds him. Smart kid. That is, until tonight.
I was peacefully reading in the bath, waiting for Rohan to come and join me, when I heard 'Me no love mama, me love you'. This was said to dear ole dad.
Now, I may have been completely deceived in this concept, but I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to hear those words until the infamous teenage angst years. And, I was certain, that it was something that would not often be spoken against me, his mother. He is my little boy after all, he is supposed to love me unconditionally..............forever.
But here we are, dealing with our crafty son pitting his parents against each other, an incredibly amusing issue we didn't realize was in the capacity of a child at the tender age of 3. Very clever little man, very clever indeed. Too clever in fact.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)