Monday, December 20, 2010
Babies are truly incredible. It is like watching a sudden awakening. They go from an adorable little lump of flesh that cries and and poops and eats, and when it is not doing any of those three it sleeps and sleeps some more with very little, if any, awake time. No awareness lights their eyes, they are blank and fuzzy (not to say there isn't a whole lot going on in there, but there ain't much happening outta there) and overall sleepy and uninterested.
Than BAM they start gaining more vision and an actual personality. You are constantly looking lovingly into their big indistinctly coloured eyes exhuding massive quantities of love and awe their way with very little in the way of response (unless you count projectile vomit as communication). Then one day, while offering your daily dose of goo goo gaa gaaing to your little tiny fleshy poop machine the little guy offers you the biggest toothless grin you can imagine. And than BAM he bcomes a person all of the sudden.
It feels as if you have been waiting for this moment for YEARS, and yet it seems incredible that it is happening so soon.
The time leading up to this all I could think about *warning, honest moment here* was how desperately I wanted sleep and why on earth I decided that I wanted to put myself throught this torture again? My brain kept repeating 'never again, never again'. Keeping in mind that there was no reward for the hours I put in to keep this kid fed and clothed, Nothing but a million diapers so overflowing with poop and pee that they would almost always leak into the sleeper. Laundry coming out of my yahoo, blah so tired, no sleep.
Then, out he emerges from his hazy existence, and all of the sudden I would do this again in a heartbeat. I am blinded to the sleeplessness, I regard the massive loads of mustard seeping out of the diapers as adorable and often worry if I hadn't seen some in while. I wait in earger anticipation, not for him to fall asleep, but to wake up so I can make him smile and gurgle at me. I have developed an empathy toward his occasional (har har) difficulty falling alseep 'poor baby must be gasey, let mama help you little one' wiping away my bitterness and resentment and pure anger at keeping me up (hey man, I am a bundle of hormones here, I am almost filled with unhealthy emotions twenty four hours a day....................stupid hormones.)
I feel as if this person comes out just in the nic of time. That my dears may very well be part of the nature of survival........................quick kid, look cute or you may not make it through another night!