I had a pinnacle realization the other day. I was hanging out with the Ro-Dog, as per usual, and I couldn't help but notice that he was seriously gassy. Like running farts, jumping farts, and just sitting quietly in the couch and farting. I spent a couple minutes making a list in my head of all the things that I had eaten that day to come up the with culprit for my sons digestive distress. And only then, after 2 years of motherhood, did I realize that it did not matter what I ate, as none of it could possibly affect Rohan's windy days. Rohan wasn't breastfeeding anymore, nor was he anywhere near living in my womb anymore. I finally realized that he was his very own separate person.
All this time I hadn't realized that I had still considered him, at least in a small bit, a part of me. My food and beverage consumption is no longer something that he suffers the consequences of, just me! How is it that I did not come to this conclusion as soon as he weaned himself? Or even days after..............but months? Is this my personal form of attachment parenting, not allowing a full independence, even subconsciously?
I have read a serious amount of baby books in this short stint of mommyland that I have lived in, one of them being 'The scientist in the crib' and it offers information on the instant and growing intelligence of your infant. There is a part that explain that your child does not understand that he is a separate being from you, that he is his own person. You are him and he is you. This realization comes later in life, maybe in the toddler years? So I wonder, did Rohan recently have the same epiphany that I did? How did that make him feel? Glad to be rid of this overprotective mom (sob) a little scared of his own, growing, independence?
Me? A little sad actually, I really enjoyed and basked in the knowledge that my body was developing in order to sustain my infant, than child and, for a little while, my toddler. He actually lived off of the sustenance that my body produced just for him. I know that I still provide him with meals and shelter and love love love, but that little bit of time that we had together, sharing, exploring, being...........it was beautiful. I kind of miss that sense of connection, that closeness. Ahhhhhh maybe that is why Moms keep on having babies, to get that baby feeling back!! Uh Oh, trouble town!