Thursday, July 22, 2010
Our precious time together
I was going to use this blogging opportunity to bitch and complain about how unbelievably complicated they have to make it to move to Quebec and officially become a resident............grrrr it is so frustrating, but I have much more pressing things to talk about. Like my cuddle monster.
I have come to realize how much I take for granted how loving and affectionate Rohan is. At times I even consider it overwhelming to my space how much he needs to be attached to me, physically, all the time. I cannot even leave the room to go to the bathroom without Rohan following me in tears. I often sit on the toilet with Rohan sitting on my lap, this is a skill that I have learned to master since his infancy!
But, overall, I love it. I love his cuddles and his kisses, his coming up behind me and giving big random hugs. He is more able to express his love than I can, and it is beautiful. Which gets me to worrying about what will happen when we have another dependent to love. They say that a child's memory does not truly start to form until sometime after their second year, so chances are he is not going to remember all of these special times that we shared these last two years, just me and him. He won't remember any of this me and him stuff, so in the end he may not actually miss it. But I will remember it, and thinking about it makes me start to pre-miss it.
For the last two years (plus pregnancy of course) Rohan has been the centre of my universe. He comes first, everything and everybody comes after. Sorry Colin, I grew him, he wins. We have had all of our special times, together, just the two of us. I have watched him grow and develop and become a strong independent little man. He has watched me grow and develop and become a strong independent mom. We have shared, we have cried, we have kissed each others tears away, we have sat cuddling on the couch for an accumulation of hours together, chatting or not. When he comes into the room in the morning, we spoon and sleep. I am nervous about losing that special time with him. ( can you believe my eyes are actually getting misty right now............frick!)
It is hard to imagine allowing anyone to compromise our time. Ever. Me and him are a team. But already I am not able to offer him all of me. I am tired, a lot less tolerant, moody, sporadic acts of tear are starting to become commonplace. I need to be alone more. It kind of sucks really. I just to keep reminding myself to bask in the glory of this beautiful child, enjoy this time that we have together and don't let it get away not matter how busy I am with the new baby. Rohan will still need mama, maybe even more than ever at that point. Oh man, I can only imagine the waterworks of him not needing me anymore........................oh wait, what boy/man doesn't need their mother!! Yay for boys!