I have made the decision to stop working much earlier this time around. I have many mixed emotions about it. I have come to realize a necessity I have that requires me to be a super mom, or just a super person. I will myself to keep going, to come home from work, do all the laundry for work, do our laundry, fill the dishwasher, empty the dishwasher, make dinner, entertain Rohan the whole time, give Rohan a bath, start up the nightly routine, lay with Rohan until he falls asleep (yup bad habit that is getting harder to break), than I try to sneak some alone time in playing on the computer (that I am pretty sure Colin sends me a resentful eye the whole time I am on it).
But I find I do the same thing while at work. I always refuse to take a slow side of the restaurant, rarely ask for help and end up going like crazy for 6 hours straight. I cannot prevent myself from working to hard, as if I have to prove that I can still do it even though I am pregnant. I think it is a stubbornness that has run in my family for generations of women..................or is it just women in general? Is this a gender thing that forces us to feel as if we must prove that little things such as creating life won't hinder us in our everyday accomplishments? Set our natural emotions aside, keep your head down and keep on trucking.
For the most part I have been delaying the departure from work. It makes me feel like a cop out, like a wimp, like I just can't hack what so many other women, mothers can and have done for years. Hold a job(part time even, sheesh woman get it together), take care of the house, take care of the two year old and the thirty year old, and the bills etc etc. On most days I don't do much, I come up with stuff to fill my days and get me out of the house. But on those work days, I feel like I am going non stop and fall exhausted into bed when I get home (or do the above activities with Rohan and the house, depending on when I get home and how much needs to get done).
I push myself, and I forget that it is not just myself that I have to worry about. My health, stamina, energy levels is all key the health of the child within and without. Working too hard makes me a very unfun mom that is for sure. Priorities, these are the things that parenthood is made of!