Monday, July 19, 2010
Pure Bliss my friends
I have this insatiable appetite for alone time. I just want to be surrounded by no one. Me, the trees, the water, only the sounds of nature and the clip clop of my computer........okay, I guess I could omit the computer this once!
I have started to wake up earlier than the boys in the morning, just have a few moments to myself. I check my email with out anyone banging on the keyboard to get my attention (and Rohan gets pretty angry as well.........hey hoooo), maybe write a new blog (oh lord I am addicted), or just sit and sip a hot beverage and listen to the sounds of the house. It just never seems to be enough time though.
There was a time in my life when I felt that I had too much alone time, when I would have loved to have more people, places, activities to fill my day. I only vaguely remember that feeling.
When Rohan was a baby I always had this overwhelming guilt whenever I left him at home with papa to have my own time. Guilt mixed with a sort of emptiness, a bareness, a nakedness and a huge fullness (the tata's of course!). I knew, I could just feel, that he was crying for me, and in most situations that was the actual case, which enhanced the guilt. These days I only leave him to go to work, which insights a whole new bundle of emotions and feelings.
I have my yoga once a week, and in so many ways, this has saved me and my sanity. I spend an hour with other pregnant moms in a nice zen atmosphere stretching and strengthening my ever expanding body. I have gradually been leaving the house earlier and earlier to sneak in so more and more alone time before the class starts. As I run out to the van with the soft sound of Rohan's cries blowing in the wind I feel this (ridiculous) giddiness. My heart starts beating like mad, I get flush and short of breath, as if I am getting away with something or I am heading on an adventure of a lifetime. What the end result of this mad dash out of the house is is parking outside of the yoga centre and reading for half an hour. I pull in, push my seat way back, roll down the windows, dangle my feet out and read. It is bliss my friends, pure bliss!
I have an up coming glucose test at the the birthing centre which will consist of my drinking a highly concentrated glucose beverage and sitting around waiting a couple of hours until it hits the blood stream, than getting my blood taken. Pretty mundane and boring right? Not for me! I will have to find someone to watch Rohan for that time as there is no way he will tolerate that much time inside the midwife's waiting room. This means I have to go alone. And wait. For hours. Nothing to do. Literally a dream vacation for me!! And that is how exciting my life has gotten!