Saturday, March 26, 2011

Real life tears

I never thought in all of my days as a mother that I would relish in putting either of my children down to sleep. Though the initial stages are generally enjoyable, the cuddling, the stories the giggling, talking, just generally enjoying each others company. Bliss. Until the actual sleep part of putting down to sleep starts. In my experience so far, it includes battles, screaming, crying, throwing things.................and ROhan get's kind of upset too! har har.

Given my track record of sucking at the sleep thing, I just could not see myself not dreading the experience. And yet here I am constantly looking forward to putting Avery down for his naps and down to bed for the night. It is like a dream. My anxiety levels are at an ultimate low. I just lay back (literally) and go with the flow.

My method may change once Colin goes back to work and isn't around to watch Rohan for me while I tend to the infant child. Okay they will definitely change. But for now, it is pure luxury.

I make the boys give Avery his good night kiss, take him upstairs, turn on the music (uncomfortably loud just how he likes it) give him my good night shpeel (good night Avery sweet dreams mama loves you I will see you when you wake up from your nap/in the morning), tuck his little blankey all around him in his bassinet (yes he is still in a bassinet and there he will remain until he can physically get in there himself, I LOVE the bassinet!), than I lay down on my bed to read my book du jour.

I don't bother him in his happy little sleeping place if he is making fussy, slightly unhappy noises. I just lay back and dive into the world of the ancient caveman fantasizing about being a cavewoman goddess filled with knowledge and wonder. If I hear the sound of infant rise above my fantasy land, I pat his little diaper and sing, or shush. That's it. Usually though I don't bother with the pat and shush, and just let him ride it out for a while waiting for the sweet sound of his thumb hitting the vacuum suction that is his mouth.

I feel better about being in the room during this process, just in case it gets to a panic stricken scream, I can go in with a pat and a shush or song. But I also stay in the room during this process because though it can get noisy, I very much enjoy these few minutes of just reading by myself (ish).

This proves to me the fact that I am a 'me time' hog. I will take it anywhere I can get it!

So anywho usually during these slight crying episodes, it is all noise and no action. That is until a couple of days ago. Hysterics were high so I peaked my head into the bassinet to see the very first Avery tear roll ever so dismally down his reddened cheeks. This DEFINITELY raises the bar in my sympathetic reflex. Crap. So I may have rocked the bassinet a bit and fought the urge to lift him out of his vessel of torture and into my loving arms. This time. It is going to take some serious nerves of steel to tune out AND turn a blind eye to the salty wet sobs of my little infant child.

And yet I still relish................glutton for punishment non? Or really truly a hog for my very special me time!

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